Silver and Cold
by Ireth Calafalas
Summary: Hermione takes an optional potions class during Winter break, 6th year, and Snape keeps staring at her weirdly, now a strange relationship is developing, and new things are bound to happen NEW CHAPTERS!
1. Winter Break

Disclaimer: Even though I wish I had created Harry Potter and everything, I didn't so none of this is mine, I'm just messing around with the characters and enjoying myself by screwing them over MUWAHAHAHA...oh yeah and this is sorta string of consciousness writing of Hermione.  
  
Aaah, now for a finally peaceful and relaxing winter break...no little kids wanting to talk to me, no grade problems (I already finished reading ahead to the end of the year, go me!), and best of all, there are no strange happenings, nothing even remotely weird (for a wizarding school at least)...yes, yes indeed I have a feeling this will be the best winter break in the last 6 years, hoorah...oh! But before I forget to mention, another fantastic thing is that they are offering a few classes during the break! I'm so thrilled for that too! Since Harry isn't doing so hot in potions again, I made him take the class, but he would only take it if he knew he wasn't going to be alone with Snape... after learning so much about Prof. Snape's horrible, horrible life from all the "adventures" Ron, Harry, & I have had these last years at and outside of Hogwarts...Hoggy-warty Hogwarts... I actual am very empathetic for Snape... I mean, he still is my least favorite teacher, but I now can limitedly understand why he is the way he is... I wish he accepted muggles more, we have excellent psychologists...someone would be able to help him without magic...sometimes magic just clogs the brain up, maybe that's why he teaches potions, the exact magical science...Oi, Ron wants to play wizard's chess again...this ought to be the twentieth time this side of noon... "No, Ron. I already played it with you and Harry too many times... I've overplayed my wizard's chess quota of the year." "Hermy! Come on, pleeeease play, we want to have a little tourney!" "Ron. Harry. I said NO. I'm going to sleep, I don't care if you want me to play, go ask someone else" I look around the room "Go play with that first year, I'm sure he doesn't know how to play, you guys can mentor him... or something...Good night, guys." Well, now I can go to the girl's dormitories without having to be bothered by them until morning about playing chess...  
  
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Best sleep of any of the winter breaks ever, yay! And today at 10.30, the first potions class starts, another yay! ...Your sins into me, oh my beautiful one! Your sins into me, ooh, every rapturous voice escapes on a trembling prayer, and I beg for forgiveness, your sins into me... I love AFI... best American-muggle rock band ever! ...Your sins into me... hehe it's so catchy, and normally their music isn't remotely church-y sounding, but this is just a good song! Hehe... I look around the common room... Where is Harry? If he doesn't get up soon, he's going to be late, and Snape won't like that much...not much at all...  
"Hey, Ronnie, where's Harry? He's going to be late, and Snape won't like that."  
"Uh... dunno... where he is... I guess he's still sleeping..."  
"Oi, well, will you go get him for me? Please?"  
Ron walks off towards the boy's staircase, and up the stairs... How could Harry forget? I mean, he signed up for this, and I constantly reminded him yesterday and the day before that... Oh well, I'll go down and grab some food...  
I love the food when everyone is gone, it's more like home...oatmeal, toast, cereal, fruit, oh look! Turkey sausage! They've never had this hear before! Ok so I'll have oatmeal... mmm, yummy... ok so the toast into the napkins and into my skirt pocket... OH NO! I forgot to put on my school cloak over my clothes! That's why those guys were looking at me! Oh...crap...well, now * sprint * to Gryffindor!  
"Harry, good, I got you here's toast, I'll be right here in a moment!"  
"Heh, hey, Ron, Hermione forgot her cloak, getting a bit too comfortable on the break, eh? She'll never live this down"  
Ron is laughing...why is he laughing? Oh no... Harry told him I forgot my cloak... what a...I'm never going to live this down...  
  
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"Good morning Professor Snape!" I say  
"Is it? Hmm, I didn't notice."  
Fine. So much for trying to friendly and nice to the bastard... oh well...  
"Now to begin, role call... ... "  
There isn't that many people in the class, must he really take role call? I mean he can just count, can't he? He's supposed to be super intelligent...  
"Ah, Miss Granger, I see you were able to get Potter to take his remedial class... He most certainly needs it unless he wants to take the sixth year over? Isn't that right, Potter?" He sneers. "Snape! That's not fair! Harry shouldn't be failing, you don't give him fair grading! And this isn't a remedial class!" Oh. Crap. I'm done for.  
"Excuse me Miss Granger? Did you just address me as 'Snape', yell at me, and accuse me of something you know nothing about?! I believe that even you realize what you just did, don't you? You just took 12 points from Gryffindor and your Christmas present from me is detention the next 3 nights!"  
"Yes, sir...you greasy haired git." He's giving me a strange look, I hope he didn't hear my mutter about his hair... no, I don't think he did... he's still walking back towards his desk...  
"Now class," he taps the board briskly with his wand, "This is the assignment. I expect it to be done well by all, or punishment is at hand" Why does he keep looking at me like that? I can't figure out what it is... oh well... ok so 3 ounces newt skin, 1 earwigs leaf, small bottle of essence of ashwinder ashes, 3 bowtruckle pieces, stir vigorously for 2 minutes... ok now add...7 grams of Echinacea and ½ liter of boiling water and stir for 10 seconds... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10.... why is Snape staring at me again...why isn't it giving me the creeps, or making me scared? That in itself is kind of creepy, but not really? I mean, he's not staring at me with knives in his eyes like normal...actually he normal doesn't stare at me for more than a few seconds... maybe I should look back and he'll look away... I look up... He looks down quickly... peculiar... Oops, ok next ingredient... oh, I'm finished. Now to bottle... ok freaky iridescent silver colour, smells like dirt though, wonder what potion this is, we've never made it before and I don't recognize the way the potion is made...Silver and cold... just like the song, You sins into me, oh my...beautiful...one...Snape is standing behind me... uh, what do I do? What does he want?  
"Granger, well done, your work resulted in something I would expect a Slytherin to concoct. You are to clean up and leave, but you detention shall be at... let me see, 6 sharp. Do no be late."  
"Yes, Professor Snape, sir."  
Hurriedly I pick up my bottles, clean out my cauldron, the sink water is freezing...now I walk hastily to Snape's desk, place the bottle of the potion on his desk turn to leave  
"Granger."  
I turn back, "Yes?"  
"Don't forget your detention."  
I turn yet again and continue back to my desk, pick up my bag, and lightly hit Harry on the top of his head as I leave...  
  
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Yay dinner, I'm famished! I forgot to eat lunch after Potions; I guess I was just thinking about other things too much... 


	2. No more robes and drunken pain

Disclaimer: Even though I wish I had created Harry Potter and everything, I didn't so none of this is mine, I'm just messing around with the characters and enjoying myself by screwing them over MUWAHAHAHA...oh yeah and this is sorta string of consciousness writing of Hermione.  
  
"Attention students," Oh, Dumbledore's talking, "Since there are so few of you here for this winter break, I thought I'd let you all have a little Christmas present! Just keep it a secret, eh? The requirement of wearing the school cloak over your normal clothing is no longer required for these next two weeks! It was brought to my attention this morning that maybe the cloak wasn't comfortable to wear on holiday, by Miss Granger," Oops...  
"Quit laughing Harry!"  
"So if you wish to be a bit more free, just wear whatever! ... Oh, yes I agree Madame Hooch, anything that is school appropriate of course, and you're all mature young adults, you needn't be lectured on what's appropriate, so tuck in!"  
"Yeah, Hermy, you're a rebel now!"  
"Shut up Ron! I am not! I'm no rebel! It was an accident! I really didn't mean too!"  
  
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Oh no, oh no, oh no... I'm really nervous! Why did I have to land myself a detention with SNAPE? Oh well, hopefully it won't be much he needs me to do, he kept staring at me today, maybe he won't tonight, it was awkward feeling, but not really...what am I thinking?! Of course it was awkward! It was greasy haired, slimy git, tortured, pathetic, poor, lonely, dangerous, GAH again! It's Snape. I think I'm the one who needs some psychiatric help, not Snape... must. Stop. Thinking. About. Him. ACK!  
Well it's almost 6; I better head down to his classroom so I'm not late... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I knock on the door... no answer... I knock again, I bit louder.... why isn't he answering? ...I pound on the door forcefully...  
"Yes! Who is it?" Snape yells from inside  
"Professor Snape, it's me Hermione Granger for my detention you gave me!"  
I can hear a shuffle of papers or something and him walking at an uneven pace to the door. He opens the door, looking a bit confused, which is odd, strange music is coming from a source inside.  
"What? Wait, why you here again, you, you?"  
"I, Hermione, am here to serve my first detention, Professor."  
He coughs, and drops something behind his back, it sounds like glass, which should be broken now... gah, His breath is so weird smelling...it smells like...  
Oh my God. He's drunk. I can see a reflective liquid I assume is empting from the bottle he dropped... it looks like the potion I made in class earlier today...maybe this is why he was acting bizarre during class...  
"Are you okay Professor?  
"Do I look 'okay' young la--" He falls backwards, onto the stone floor, just missing the glass shards of the bottle he dropped.  
"Professor!"  
I kneel to the ground next to him...it's against school policy to have alcohol or any sort of like substance in school grounds! I can't believe one of the most trusted teachers of Dumbledore is violating one of the major rules! Even if legally he's allowed to consume such things! What should I do? I should go get another Professor! No, wait... if I do, he'll surely get in huge trouble, then he'll blame me, and find some way to fail me...besides, if I don't turn him in, maybe he wont pick on me so much? I can't believe I'm not telling someone, I can never tell Harry or Ron about this, they'd want to take a picture then bring in Dumbledore and the Ministry and get him fired...I stand back up and hook my arms under his shoulders, ok now to try and get him somewhere where he can sleep this off... um...well I start dragging him slowly across the floor...He's heavier than he looks ...I could put him on the desk, but he might fall off...what in the bloody hell am I carrying him for? I'm a witch! Man, do I panic sometimes or what...  
"Wingardium Leviosa!"  
And with a flick of the wrist I'm back in business... ok much lighter now ha-ha...there's nowhere to lay him down in here... I open a wooden door next to a potions shelf, I turn my head back to make sure I'm not going to bang him into the doorjamb... he looks kinda handsome...oi... I turn back to watch where I'm walking... Oh my God. I forget the spell, I drop Snape on the ground, oops...this room is so evil looking, its black stone wall, a large, empty fireplace, it's so cold in here, nice furniture though... small bed, also black... green curtains... I guess he has pride in something, Slytherin... There's where that horrible music is coming from, strange little radio like unit, it must run on magic, otherwise it would go haywire here...this place is very homely in a weird way actually, I guess it reminds me of Sirius's house, I did sort of live there during the summer... Oh yeah I should get him off the ground...  
I'll put him on his bed, I suppose. The bed is about 2 feet away; I can just pick him up to there. I start walking backwards towards the bed with part of my Potions master in my arms...this would look really bad if someone walked in... Oi, I hit the bed, now I crawl over to the other side of the bed and hoist Snape up onto it, his hair falls into my face, this bed is really narrow I guess...Wow, his hair isn't greasy, it's really...soft and smells really good...his hair doesn't look greasy, its super shiny... sheesh its cold in here... "Incendio!", now I move Snape so he is laying on the bed like he would when he sleeps, so he isn't falling off...I should probably get out of here if I want to live when he wakes up...His hairs really quite lovely.... I turn off that radio thing...I walk over to the fire...ahh much better, I can't imagine living in this cold all the time... I look to my left...what's that? It's a large bookshelf, but the books all look the same, black or dark colours with bright writing... This is the largest personal book collection I've ever seen! And not all of these are evil things, I've read about ¼ of these... I haven't read this one The Commission of the Morbid by Heraz Mortimal. Looks interesting... I lightly pick it off the shelf and walk quietly to one of the black armchairs...  
This is a fascinating piece... morbid and depressing of course, but so enthralling I can't stop reading... reading... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I hear someone clearing their throat... I look at my watch, its 11.15! Where am I ... Oh dear... I glance towards Snape's bed where I left him. Holy. Shit. He's sitting there watching me...maybe he's um... sleep sitting? No... he's staring directly at me...and smiling?  
"Um...Professor, are you feeling better?" I smile; I'm petrified (well, not literally)...  
"Oh, I'm fine...why are you still here?" He sounds genuine. Like he truly wants to know why I'm here and he's not livid as normal...  
"I, uh, came to your class for detention because you gave me three nights of it and I came at 6, about 5 hours ago, and er, you eventually answered your door, but er...you were... intoxicated and fell to the ground," I'm talking waaay to fast! But I can't slow down, "So started carrying you, the I realized I'm witch so I picked you up with a Wingardium Leviosa spell and brought you in here, then I saw the room, and wow this is a nice room, did I tell you that? Oh but then I pick you up again, but since I was going to put you on your bed, which was like 2 feet away I er picked you up manually and put you there. And then I saw your book case so I went to look at it and I picked out one and have been reading it even since, I'm terribly sorry Professor, sir."  
"When did you put on a fire?"  
"After I put you onto your bed, sir"  
"When did you turn off the music?"  
"After I put you onto your bed, and before I walked over to the fire."  
"Why didn't you go and get help. I would have expected someone like you to have lost your head and run off to get help." He sneers, but not as horribly as customary  
"First off Professor, I thought you would get into a great crap load of trouble if I told someone, so I didn't. And secondly, I never, in my life have ever run off afraid to get help. And you want to know why? Because I can take care of myself, thank you very much. Unlike some people apparently." I finish with a glare in his direction.  
"Well, Miss Granger, I appreciate that you didn't tell anyone that I was drinking liquor, because I wasn't. You jumped to conclusions, but I assume you recognized the liquid as the one you and your fellow class mates created this morning, therefore, you should have remembered the ingredients. All of the parts of the potion are herbal and have healing abilities, so what I had your class concoct was merely a healing agent."  
"Well, then why in bloody hell were you drunk!"  
"I wasn't drunk, the ashwinder ashes put the drinker into a sort of trance to help ease the pain while the herbs help heal."  
He's in pain? Now I feel really bad, and really idiotic. 


	3. Fancy me?

Disclaimer: Even though I wish I had created Harry Potter and everything, I didn't so none of this is mine, I'm just messing around with the characters and enjoying myself by screwing them over MUWAHAHAHA...oh yeah and this is sorta string of consciousness writing of Hermione.  
  
Oh yeah, and incase you're the person who commented saying that the switching between Hermione & Snape POV is confusing, you're a dumbass, it's only in Hermione's POV. If you would have read the above message...you would have gotten it, sorry if this seems harsh but that's the way it is. Oh, and I don't try for cannon stuff, if it's there great, but I prefer just to use the characters in my own special way, thanks much!  
  
He's watching me again, but this time not just merely looking at me, he's looking into my eyes...I look away...I whisper to him from across the room earnestly  
"I'm sorry."  
He looks harder at me.  
"I'll be leaving now...I shouldn't be out anyways, it's late."  
He says nothing... I bend at my waist, place the book down on the coffee table quietly, and walk slowly out towards the door. As I am turning to doorknob to leave his quarters, I turn back once more to look at him.  
He's sitting slouched on the edge of his bed, looking out a window I hadn't noticed before  
"Please come again at 6 tomorrow night. If I don't answer again, there is a key inside a small ledge over my class name plaque. Thank you."  
I nod, and enter back to the Potions classroom. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I lay on my mattress in the dark, listening to the silence of my dorm mates sleeping. I fall asleep without a single thought in my head. My emotions are drained. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The sun is shining through the window directly onto my face, it must be about 8 now...I should get up and get dressed for breakfast and the day...I pull off my sweater I was wearing yesterday, and put on a grey one. I change into my black, white, and grey plaid ankle length skirt; pull on my white bobby socks, and my brown leather shoes. I hop off the bed, no one else is in the dorm now, I open the door and begin walking down the stairs...I should perhaps think of a story to tell Harry and Ron about how detention was...lets see...It was terrible, Snape had me...cleaning out the cauldrons...and organizing papers...and er...redoing a potion that I failed? ...yes, that's good enough...I keep walking, I can see Harry standing at one of the tables playing chess with Ron...  
I reach the base of the stairs  
"Hey guys! Have you eaten breakfast yet?"  
"Nope."  
"Yeah, Harry and I were waiting for you... you never came back to the common room last night Hermione...where were you?"  
"Ron didn't you remember, I have detention, I'm sure I told you that yesterday. Shall we go eat?" They get up and walk on either side of me, "Yeah, I had to clean out the class cauldrons then organize the assignments, and prepare some ingredients for the next potion we're going to make."  
"But that shouldn't have taken that long, did it?"  
"You're right Harry, I went to the library after, I wanted to read something new. I started The Commission of the Morbid. It's very good."  
"And you have to go again the next two nights, right?"  
"Yeah...it's a bugger..."  
We arrived at the main hall, and then we entered to find a table. Ron began filling his plate and stuffing his mouth with various foods... I poured us some pumpkin juice, and I took a croissant for myself...Harry followed in the fashion of Ron...  
I glance around the room as I am buttering my croissant and I notice that at the head table, Snape isn't there... I look around, but I guess he just isn't here... I don't know why I would want to see him, it's not like I want to talk to him now... I guess he's preparing our lesson for today...  
  
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Potions wasn't bad today...we made a cure for when you get your tongue tied... quite a fascinating potion actually, very complex, but simple...amazing...I have about a half an hour to get ready for detention again with Snape...I hope tonight he is feeling better... Well, I have nothing to do, I wish I borrowed his book to read... maybe I can tonight...I have nothing to do in the mean time...I guess I'll head over to his office slowly...  
  
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I knock on the class door...no answer...I know again, a bit more persuasively...still no reply...why does this seem familiar? Oh yeah *sarcasm* I did this last night... Ok, so where did he say was that key? Umm... oh, right- o, in the ledge over the class nameplate, oh wow there is a key, why wasn't I expecting one? Allrighty, I place the small, brass key into the door lock and turn it, and then the door opens on its own into the class...  
"Professor? Er...Professor Snape? Are you in here?"  
I walk further into the class...he isn't in here... I go to where his quarter's door is, and open the door... He's sitting in the chair I was sitting in last night, drinking some of the potion again...  
"Professor, are you all right?"  
"Oh...well, I'm fine...Miss Granger, I just wanted to speak with you tonight."  
"Yes?"  
"I wanted to thank you for putting on the fire, getting me here to my room, and not leaving, just incase I did something..."  
"Er...sure...Professor, it wasn't any problem..."  
"Please, Hermione, call me Severus."  
Shocked, I am absolutely stunned...why is my Professor asking me to call him by his first name? And did he call me by Hermione? HE only did that once, this last summer when he was yelling at Harry, Fred, & me for using extendable ears...I wasn't even using one, I was trying to get the boys to put them away...  
"Anyway, will you just stay here, I hate to admit it but " His face is twisted with the effort of forcing himself to tell me, "I need your help. You were in the control of my...situation last night, and I would prefer it if no one else knew about this...Can you stay again?"  
"Yes, er Severus."  
"I thank you."  
This is so odd...he must be already on the stuff...I mean, he's pathetic, he's asking for help...He's supposed to be a bloody mean bastard...what happened? He's his normal enraged self during class and the rest of the time, and he can't be under an imperius by Voldemort, because of what happened to Voldemort...it's got to be the medicine...if he needs me here to watch him, why isn't he taking more of the potion... I just realized I've been standing in the same spot since I walked in...I walk towards Snape and sit in the chair across the table from him...The book is still laying where I left it last night...  
"I see that you started reading this book...do you like it? I thought it was quite excellent."  
"Oh yes, I really love it, it just seems like someone wrote it while they were being slowly tortured...It's so painful, but beautiful, and real, and almost...familiar feeling? Does that make sense? I would love to know Pervan S. Usese, he seems brilliant."  
"Miss Granger, Hermione, I thought you were good with words."  
"I...am."  
"Well than didn't you comprehend that Pervan S. Usese is an anagram for Severus Snape? Or were you too enthralled with my book to notice?"  
"Your book? You wrote all of those books on the shelf?"  
"Yes."  
It takes me second to appreciate what this means to me...Oh good lord...I think I'm beginning to fancy my teacher...but what's really wrong with that? He's a brilliant man, and he's not that much older, can he be? I am 17, but the time turner added a few months so I've really live a little over 18 years...so it's not bad...why does it feel like he's looking in my head? Oh crap...occulemency...that's why he stares into my eyes...well, if he's reading my thoughts...Severus, if you are able to um, hear this? Nod you head...please...He doesn't nod...phew...but he stands up and walks away to the window, and draws the curtains so the setting sunlight filters in...  
"So finally, the fact that I can see thoughts, filtered into your head, eh?"  
"Crap."  
He laughs...I've never heard him laugh before. I didn't know he laughed. He has a rich, deep laugh...I like it too.  
"No need to worry...I just wanted to know something..."  
"Know what?"  
He looks a bit embarrassed, but only for a split second...he covered that up well, but he apparently covers his emotions well...  
"Well...you fancy me."  
He turns back towards me, the fading sunlight reflecting off his soft hair...I'm blushing, my face won't stop going red, oh this is horrible, I hope I don't go purple like Ron does, oh no, I can't stop going red! I duck my face down into my skirt, pretending to tie my shoes...my shoes don't have laces...now I have to face him...I can see his shoes in front of me... I look up  
"Well? You do don't you?"  
"Damn you, yes. Yes Professor Severus Snape, I fancy you!"  
There. I said it.  
He's smiling a small, innocent looking smile, which I know is far from the truth, he isn't innocent. He's been through hell and back again too many times, and in comparison, this issue must be a tiny emotional spec of his life.  
He kneels down to me, and rests his hands on either side of on the arm rests...  
"Brilliant." 


	4. How do you land a detention?

Disclaimer: Even though I wish I had created Harry Potter and everything, I didn't so none of this is mine, I'm just messing around with the characters and enjoying myself by screwing them over MUWAHAHAHA...oh yeah and this is sorta string of consciousness writing of Hermione, so don't send me reviews telling me that things are wrong or you don't like the style, this is how I'm writing so there :-P heh  
  
Gah... not precisely what I was anticipating  
"What, exactly, is brilliant?"  
I didn't know I could blush this deeply...I wonder what he must think of me...  
"I think it is quite brilliant, miss Granger, that you fancy me."  
"Why, sir, do you think so?"  
"For the reason that, Hermione, I fancy you as well."  
Oh. My. God. No one ever liked me like this, and told me (Well, apart from Viktor)...I'm so excited! Woo-hoo!!! ...Oh wait, this is an instructor I'm talking about...  
"Profess, I mean, er, Severus" I hesitate, "really? I mean, I just... never ever would have...thought that...er..."  
He laughs softly to himself... he lifts up his hands and places them on my shoulders... my heart is going at least 300 bpm  
"Well, I do. As much as I hate to admit it, this is really horrible that I do fancy you. I could get fired, discredited, punished, a law suit might be coming my way...but I still felt it worth it to tell you."  
I can tell he hates that he is saying this, his face is almost screwed up in effort, he might even have a hint of self-consciousness on his face, but he hides it almost too well.  
"I'm not sure what to say"  
I almost am feeling confident now; the adrenaline is pounding through my veins in a mad rush  
"You needn't say anything... yet. Except you might say yes or no after I ask you out?"  
"Yes!" I might have said that too loud, but I'm so euphoric! "But wait, how could I? We would be seen, and that might go over too well, anywhere." Now I feel slightly queasy  
"Don't you think I would have already thought of that", I nod my head, "I do have a potion that would disguise us so we don't look much like ourselves, but can still act like we are."  
"I am intrigued. What is this potion? I've never heard of anything like it..."  
"It's, well, a dark art potion, often used by... let me say the lesser admired ones who wish to go unnoticed. It goes by the name Chamilious."  
"So when is this date of ours?" I giggle, I'm too happy : )  
"Well, I'll tell you once I have it planned out... but the only way you are going to know is if you land yourself another detention with me this Friday."  
"I have to try for a detention?! But will it really be a detention?!"  
"Of course not, silly girl. I will say that 'you have detention tonight, here at' whatever time I say."  
Ah-hah, it dawns on me, I feel slightly stupid...  
"Right, okay, professor Severus."  
He smiles a small grin, stands up, takes his hands off my shoulders and steps back once so I am able to get off the couch-chair, I stand up... he's so much taller than I am  
"I'll see you in class tomorrow."  
"Yes."  
I turn around, why am I blushing again? Hehe...I walk to the door, it opens in front of me I turn back he is standing there silent, but vaguely happy looking, I turn back towards the door and leave ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well, it's Friday morning; today I have to acquire myself a detention, intentionally... I hope I don't make it too obvious that I'm trying for one...what should I do? Maybe I should smart mouth him? No, that's not believable...I could keep trying to correct him on his potions ingredients? Perhaps, but there has to be something better. Oh! I could keep whispering the ingredients to Harry and telling him what to do! I've gotten in trouble doing that before.  
I can't help but walk with a slight bounce in my step; I'm in a good mood...what if this is just a trick or something though? He is known for being awful all most all of the time, could this be a nasty, embarrassing joke? I can feel myself beginning to nearly gasp in my extreme nervousness... I've just got to keep breathing...breathe in, breathe out...I'm just scaring myself, it did feel true in its surrealism... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I walk into the Potions class room, Ron on my right and Harry following behind...the rooms feels like its been air conditioned, its cool, but not nippy like usual...We take our usual table and begin working on the potion that he already put up on the board before we came in  
As I scoop in some powdered tupep to the cauldron, I look around the room...I can't find him.  
Where is he?  
I observe the room again, and there he is. He is standing, his robed arms crossed, glaring at everyone in turn from the shadows of the edge of the room...His dark hair is fallen into his face, lightly shadowing his mysterious eyes... He sees me looking at him, he glares at me harshly... why did he do that? Oh. I turn back to my potion I feel antsy now, how am I getting a "detention" if he never does anything? Oh right, I was going to whisper to Harry a lot.  
"Hey, Harry, do you understand what to do next?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well, then is it that you stir clockwise 3 times then sprinkle the top of the potion with the bat fur, or sprinkle first then stir?"  
"You stir first."  
"Okay, Harry thanks!"  
What now? I didn't get in trouble maybe he couldn't hear me...  
"Ron, do you have any ground beetle I could borrow?" I said this at a normal speaking voice  
"Uh, yeah, hold on"  
"Miss Granger, I would appreciate it if you would stop talking to your little friends, they might not need help" He smirks with an icy glint in his eye...then winks when no one is watching him...phew, I thought maybe it was a trick...  
"Yes, sir"  
I go back to my potion and use the beetle Ron handed to me, and then I give it back to him...  
A few minutes later I ask Harry  
"Can you read the board? The writing for the next ingredient is too small for me to read. What is it?"  
"It's a detention at 5.30 Granger, can't you read that?" Severus was behind me telling me this.  
"What? I can't have detention!"  
"Well you do. At 5.30. Do not be late, or it will be another one."  
"All right, sir." I mutter... as I go back to work on my potion, Harry says its 3 grams of eel vertebrae. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It's after dinner, I didn't see him at the head table, he must have already eaten I guess...What if we are going out to eat! Oops, I hope not... otherwise, er, I'd feel bad, like I do now... I am going through my trunk looking for something to wear. I wish I knew what we were doing tonight, then I could dress appropriately. Well, we will most likely be going somewhere nice, and quiet, which seems like somewhere he would take me. I guess I'll wear my black pants, my white polo shirt with the v-neck green vest, and my black and white converse trainers...  
  
Now that I'm ready, I begin walking to his classroom... today was the last Friday before normal school starts up again. I hope Potions class doesn't get uncomfortable... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	5. Sometimes one would think you forgot

Disclaimer: Even though I wish I had created Harry Potter and everything, I didn't so none of this is mine, I'm just messing around with the characters and enjoying myself by screwing them over MUWAHAHAHA  
  
I knock on the door, and Snape answers it, we stand there for a moment, just looking at each other...then he looks down the corridor in both directions before saying  
"Please, come in."  
As I step in , he backs up then closes the door hurriedly behind me.  
"You look nice, but I suppose I should tell you where we are going before we leave and take the potion?"  
"Oh yes, where are we going?"  
"Well, I thought maybe a concert? I got the tickets already, but if you don't want to go, then I can return them and it will be okay."  
"Ooh! A concert! Who is performing?"  
"It's actually a mostly muggle band, have you heard of AFI? The main guy is a wizard, but the rest who are in it are muggles...their music is a guilty pleasure of mine, I suppose."  
I squeak, then scream  
"AFI IS MY FAVORITE AMERICAN MUGGLE BAND! I didn't know they were playing over here! I've never been to one of their concerts because they've never been to where I live!"  
"They aren't, I thought we'd apparate."  
"Okay... so I see a few problems with this. I'm underage, I'm not allowed to apparate. Secondly, I don't have a passport. Thirdly, how else are we supposed to get there without being gone for days?"  
"You can't apparate, I know, I'm not a blundering idiot. But don't worry about that now. Right now, we have to drink some of the potion I made so we can transform."  
He walks over to the stone counter and picks up two small phials of murky, reddish liquid. He hands one to me and says  
"Drink it"  
He pulls out the stopper of his and swallows it in one gulp. I pick the top off and take two sips of the indistinctly lemony flavored liquid... it doesn't feel like anything is happening, so I watch him sink to the ground and sit there, holding his middle...Ugh, I fall to the floor in front of him, gah, my stomach, I am bent in half as I sit looking at my knees, the hair that fell in front of my face is becoming straight and lighter coloured, I look at my hands, my skin is also becoming more pale than it already was, my finger nails have grown a tiny bit, I feel slightly achy now...I look over at Severus  
"Whoa!"  
"What?"  
"You look like you are 18! Your hair!"  
He has brown hair, and he is very slightly tanner, but otherwise his looks are the same  
"You haven't seen your result!"  
I stand up and run to his room to a mirror... I have shoulder length, * straight *, dirty-blonde hair, light brown eyes and a slightly different eye shape, and I have a couple freckles on my fairer skin... my size is the same, I just feel like I'm holding myself differently, but otherwise it's not a drastic change... since we are going to a concert, maybe I should fix my clothes... I take off the vest and the polo shirt and put the v-neck vest back on... I walk back out to Severus... He is leaning against the counter pulling his hair back into a ponytail...  
"How are we going to leave the castle looking like this?"  
He hands me a school robe  
"No one will notice."  
Uh...right, I hope so, I pull on the black robe over my outfit and stare at him some more. He's really quite sexy, tee-hee  
"What?"  
"Nothing" I say in a faintly sing-song tone  
He takes my arm and locks it into his, I can feel myself blushing evenly.  
We walk out into the hall, nobody is around, thank goodness. We keep walking out towards the door, not too quickly, just quickly enough so we aren't noticed if anyone walks by.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
We are soon walking through the crunchy snow by the greenhouses to the end of the school property. I can see his breath in the air, he sees me looking up at him and reaches around my shoulders and holds me tighter as we walk.  
I can feel my heart beating through my chest.  
I suppose we are out of the school grounds because he all of a sudden stops and faces me.  
"I am going to hold you while I apparate so we can both apparate without you breaking any rules, you wouldn't want to get splinched." I wince faintly. Then he hugs me with his hands resting near the small of my back ... I realize I should probably hold onto him too, so I reach around his middle and embrace him there  
"Hold on tighter," I re-grip, "Okay, here we go."  
All of a sudden I feel like I am upside down then as soon as it started, my feet hit the ground, hard.  
"Are you all here?"  
"Yes. Where are we?"  
I look around...it's an old, slightly dusty living room of a home  
"My uncle's old house, I own it now. But otherwise, we are in New York."  
"I've never been to the States before..."  
"I know, you don't have a passport, right."  
I look around at everything in there, then I remember I am still clutching for dear life on him. I ease my grip, making to let go, but he is still holding me firmly, so I don't release. He begins talking, his mouth barely brushing against my forehead...  
"I used to visit here a lot. I haven't been back here for a year or so though. Maybe I should clean, but I'm not thinking about doing that now. We've got a concert to go to."  
His lips are still moving even though he isn't talking... but this time, not in the same way.  
He has just softly kissed me.  
I pull back, a bit taken aback; he looks a little confused, but then says  
"Let's go" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
We are driving along a highway in his car, chatting comfortably about little things like the people we know, his parents, my parents, my muggle life, then age...  
"So Sev, how old are you?"  
"Er...do you really want to know?"  
"Why not?"  
"Well..."  
"Oh come on! It's just a number! I don't care obviously that you are older."  
"If it's just a number then why must you know?"  
"Please?" I put on an innocently, cute smile, just to annoy him  
"Fine." He shifts around in his chair for a second, "Fine. I am 34 years old."  
"Really? I thought you were older!"  
"Gee, thanks." I sense the sarcasm dripping from each syllable.  
"Sorry, I just don't see what's so bad about that, you just are so much more mature than other people in their 30's I know."  
He answers curtly, "I've been through more than the average 34 year old."  
"I know, but not what exactly you've gone through, I just know you've been through it." I must sound absurd  
He just sighs  
"You okay?"  
"Yeah, sure. We are close to the amphitheatre."  
"What happens if you get pulled over? Do you have a license that suits your image now?"  
"Really think I need one?"  
"Well, actually no, you could just use magic and keep going."  
"Exactly." He smiles, "Sometimes I think you forget you are a witch Hermione."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	6. Bloody Hell

Disclaimer: Even though I wish I had created Harry Potter and everything, I didn't so none of this is mine, I'm just messing around with the characters and enjoying myself by screwing them over MUWAHAHAHA...oh yeah and this is sorta string of consciousness writing of Hermione, so don't send me reviews telling me that things are wrong or you don't like the style, this is how I'm writing so there :-P heh  
  
We pull up to the car park and park the car, and begin walking to the entrance; I'm so excited to be seeing AFI in concert finally! I start skipping a bit, just to seem, you know, annoying? Anyway, I look back at Severus. He's stopped walking and has just hit himself on the head with his hand  
"What, forget the tickets?" I say sarcastically  
"No, just pretending that I don't know this skipping lunatic in front of me." He states while sneering at me  
  
Mean, but not surprising. I stop and wait for him to catch up to where I am standing  
"I promise, no more skipping." I say with no intention of walking normal ever again  
"Or nancing."  
"Fine."  
"Or hopping."  
"All right."  
"Or-"  
"ALL RIGHT already!"  
"Good." he looks too smug  
"I'm glad."  
"You should be." He's making me act like an imprudent first year in response to him  
"Bastard." I mumble almost silently  
"Excuse me? Care to explain that?" I can see the corners of his thin lips a re twitching, trying not to smile, or smirk... I guess he does have a sense of humor  
I laugh at him in response  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
This crowd is so great! Everyone is jumping around, screaming along with the words, head banging even though it doesn't work as well with this band, I love it, I'm dancing around with him in this sorta jumping area thing I'm quite unfamiliar with that we've gotten sucked into, I'm having to best time! I feel so different; I'm never like this...maybe it's the appearance potion?  
  
I'm here with my crush.  
  
And he fancies me too. *adrenaline rush*  
  
I'm at the best (and only) concert I've ever been to, its Friday night, I'm in the U.S. *illegally*by magic, I don't have school, and  
"I'm having the best time!" I yell at Severus because the music is so loud  
He just smirks back  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It's now 11 here in the U.S., which means it's 4 A.M. back at Hogwarts I guess... BLOODY HELL! Not much I can really do though is there? I'm not exactly the one who can apparate  
  
We are back at his house ...I'm sitting on the couch looking out the window I'm facing...the woods out there are so lovely looking... looks peaceful  
"Would you like something to drink?" He asks  
"Water would be good, thanks." The potion is starting to wear off both of us, and it's oddly comforting to see the Snape I hated with such a passion and fury, and now see him completely differently.  
  
As a...man? As someone I could really care for?  
He hands me the glass of water and then he falls back onto the cushion next to me on the sofa, a small glass of what looks like whiskey in his hand...He changed his shirt and he's now wearing a plain black tee shirt...who knew he owned such a thing? I certainly didn't. Wouldn't everyone expect him to wear only the robes over formal clothes... or something?  
"When are we going back to Hogwarts-"  
"-Later, right now, I'm enjoying my drink. A drink that I haven't had in ages" He mutters something indistinguishable and a fire pops up in the fireplace next to the window I was staring out, it startles me  
Startled, I squeak a tiny "Eeep"  
  
He softly laughs a deep, almost sinister sounding laugh that barely vibrates through the sofa  
I sink down in my cushion, it's so safe feeling here, maybe it's a spell on the house that is protecting it, it would make more sense than a muggle security-system ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"OH, MY GOD, NO! SEVERUS SNAPE, WAKE THE *HELL* UP! IT'S TOMRROW HERE, WHICH MEANS IT *REALLY* LATE BACK HOME!"  
He groans an "Oh shit."  
He stands up and stretches then says  
"Well we better get back now, by any chance do you have that time- turner of yours still?  
"Yes, but it's just for urgent situations since I don't use it for classes anymore."  
"Well this is a bloody emergency, Hermione!"  
Right, good point  
  
"So we are going to apparate back to the grounds then use the time turner to go back many, many hours, back to yesterday and sleep like we were in Hogwarts the whole night, which we will be if we go back."  
He grabs my waist, I clutch to him we lift off and reappear back at Hogwarts. I take out my time turner necklace,  
"How many times?"  
"Well its noon now, so flip it... 14 times..."  
"14 hours?!"  
"Yes."  
"All right."  
I turn it 14 whole times, reluctant to be going so far back, but if I must, I must.  
  
He holds to my waist a moment longer than needed  
Something stirs in my veins  
  
Being night again, we begin trekking to the castle in the light, brittle snow... thinking about what the time is giving me a mental jet lag... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It's now 3 A.M.... again. I haven't slept yet, and I can't. I've just been lying here, reading for so long my eyes are killing me and I'm seeing weird little shadows around everything. Maybe I could get some sleeping draught? No, I don't want to disturb Madame Pomfrey for my issues of having already slept tonight... oh well  
It's snowing outside, I hope it covers up our walking tracks; we didn't cover them or anything. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I guess I was finally able to fall asleep, as I just woke up now...I look out of the dormitory window, it must have snowed over a meter last night! I glance over at the clock  
"Well, at least I made it to six," I mutter. Now I just have to do some reading  
I walk to my trunk and pull out a book. When did his book get into my trunk? I certainly didn't put it there... did I? No. No, I didn't. I'll have to ask him about that.  
I pull on my school robe over my clothes since I'm still wearing my concert "outfit"  
  
Look at me; I'm an absolute mess... I pull out an outfit from my trunk and make my way to the prefect's lavatory 


	7. Same dreams over and over

So sorry it's been dreadfully long since I updated, but I just kinda forgot so sorry ( Hope someone is still reading this... I love you reviewers, now on to the seventh part!  
  
Snape's P.O.V. * please keep this in mind and don't forget *  
  
~*~  
"Would you like me to fluff you pillow, Sev?"  
"Thank you, my love"  
She slides the pillow from under my sore head and shakes it about, then ever so carefully replaces it gently... She shifts so she is sitting on the edge of the bed by my head, and leans down to tenderly kiss my forehead, then my nose, and my lips... She leaves, her figure being the last shape I can see in the dark room I whisper a hoarse "Good night, thank you."  
She smiles, then walks out leaving the door open to the dim living room  
~*~  
  
I have been waking up at that same damn moment in the same blasted dream for days now...every night, the same dream, nothing new happens, she just fluffs the pillow and kisses me then leaves quietly...never anything erotic or dirty, just the same innocent girl taking care of me in my sickness  
  
Why does she haunt me?  
  
I feel, but I know not how to explain these urges, these feelings... I never had much of an interest in witches when I was in my adolescence or even really now...but something about her... I bloody hate not knowing what's going on!  
Especially with me! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I head down to the hall for breakfast; I'm constantly running over the fact that Hermione, the beautiful, witty creature had fallen asleep in my arms last night...  
  
Does she really care? Can she possibly care for someone as...as...well wicked as I? Does she truly understand? Can I let this continue?  
  
Nothing this great has ever happened to me, ever. And if I let her go... I doubt anything of this manner *will* occur again.  
But I can't continue. She'll get hurt for one reason or another. Either my verbal, or perhaps from retaliation by some angry and vengeful Death Eaters.  
I won't allow that to happen.  
  
But what to do? What to do...  
  
I've never had so many questions that I can't answer with my comprehension or knowledge I could gain from books. Why are matters with potential love-interests so difficult? Love-interest. That's too impersonal. This isn't just a dream, or a nightmare. This is actually happening. I mentally slap myself about.  
"Come on, concentrate, you fool" I snarl at myself  
  
If only I could ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I begin stirring in some leeches to the potion I had began brewing a few hours ago...I go though the motions of creating the standard Negmotionales potion, it will hopefully allow me to concentrate on what I should be concentrating on, and that is moving on.  
  
A small voice begins to taunt me in my mind...do I really trust myself enough, even under the effects of such a strong potion? Well, do I? I know I cannot stop thinking about the silly girl...but she isn't just a silly girl. Sure she has been an absolute nuisance since she was enrolled in my courses in her first year, but now...now it's different. Isn't it?  
  
"Of course it's different. She isn't an idiotic eleven-year-old muggle girl now. She's... well... she's beautiful, yet...so natural" my voice trails off as I mentally hit myself for speaking aloud.  
  
I continue finishing the potion, now a brilliantly neon blue colour with fumes reeking of too sweet, cheap perfume. It's so ironic how a perfume to make one concentrate has such a distracting, headache causing odor. I take a phial of the potion and swallow it quickly, anxious to clear my mind... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A knock sounds on my classroom door, who else could it be but her at this hour? Who else comes to my classroom during free time? Certainly not another professor, we use the floo network in the school...  
I pull open the door and begin to say, "Good eve---"  
  
I look at her and she looks the same, but right now, she just is stunning me with her presence...even though I knew it could only be her  
  
"Hello, Professor."  
  
I move back to allow her in, and I shut the door solidly behind myself.  
  
"I thought we should talk, Severus."  
"Oh, well, of course." I sneer a bit, not as much as usual, but just enough to make her a bit angry  
"What? Why are you *sneering* at me" She demands to know  
"It's what I do."  
  
She mutters something inarticulately and walks on into my chambers, like she knows where she's going...oh; well she does though, doesn't she...  
I don't follow, but I can't *not* follow her... Why hasn't the bloody potion set in yet!?  
I shut the door behind me again, and sit down on my bed, staring back at her as she sits on my couch backwards to face me.  
  
"Well?"  
"Well, I just..."She had something to say, I know it, but what? "I wanted to, er, thank you for the nice night."  
  
Was that all she had to say? No of course not, it's still Granger  
  
"And that, I hope, that is if you don't mind, that perhaps we could, er, do something again?"  
  
She had such a pure look of innocence at that moment that my mind instantly wanted to do unspeakable acts to her in the very bed I was sitting on just to see her less innocent side. I can't help but ogle at her...  
  
"Severus? Is something wrong?"  
  
I awaken from my slight trance, "Oh yes, perfectly fine."  
"Okay...so er, I'll be leaving then." She spoke sounding downtrodden  
"All right."  
She walks out looking let down, but why?  
  
After about fifteen more minutes of trying to get myself out of fixating my mind on her (I suppose the potion worked for concentration) I realize  
  
"Oh Merlin"  
  
She asked me to do something with her and I wasn't paying attention, except to her lovely lips...and I had completely ignored her...I'm now the blundering idiot of the world.  
  
I throw a handful of floo powder into he fire...she doesn't have a fireplace.  
  
"The Library" She better be in there. I'm getting my robes dirty. 


	8. My First Real Kiss

So many reviews (, I'm happy, my first fic actually has READERS! Huzzah! So anyway, hope you guys are liking it, and please let me know what you thought of the Snape p.o.v. vs. Hermione's p.o.v, e-mail me, my e-mail is on my fanfic profile, so happy reading! Oh and it's back to...  
  
Hermione's P.O.V.  
  
The bastard...All of it must have been a cruel joke of his. I knew it couldn't be real...why would he have an interest in me? I'm just a muggle- born, annoying, bushy haired 17-year-old! Well, I'll get over him eventually; right now all I need is a good, long book about something completely unrelated.  
  
I continue muttering angrily as I search for a book  
"The heartless bastard, despicable, that's what he is. I should have known he was rotten on the inside in addition to his callous outward actions...This looks interesting, no never mind, I've already read it.... damn him and his cold soul. I hope he remains unhappy the rest of his life...poor arse...I just wish I knew why he ignored me completely, he could have at least said he didn't really fancy me!"  
Just then, I run into him as I continued to walk sideways along the endless bookshelves...  
  
"Oh. It's you."  
"I didn't think you would walk completely into me. I think you need glasses so you can see me and my cold soul coming."  
  
Fine! I'm glad he heard...well, no, not really  
"How much did you hear?"  
"Plenty." Oh dear, I turn to run back to my dormitory to cry, as I feel like I'm about to cry, I might as well not do it here  
He blocks me and I run into him again, but this time he grabs my arms, gently, but strongly  
"Hermione, don't cry, I just didn't hear you when you, er asked the question."  
"Well how the hell not!?"  
"Shh! Don't talk so loudly here, come on," Then in a louder, but not too obtrusive voice he states to me, "We can go back and you can do the make up potion instead of blubbering about it here in the library." He gives me a slight push towards the hall and I walk  
  
I can hear his robes swishing behind me as we walk swiftly to his class.  
  
"Why you about to cry, Granger? Professor, sir, did she finally fail something?" Malfoy.  
"Mister Malfoy, would you please get out of the way. We need to get by." He drawls in his debasing tones to Malfoy  
"Yes, sir." He steps aside and whispers a falsely sweet, "Mudblood"  
  
I turn around to release my anger to him and hit him, but he had already began walking away and was out of reach. I can feel the tears beginning to slowly surge down my cheeks  
  
Severus says something and the class door unlocks and I continue walking in and then as he follows behind me to his room... His chairs look too hard to curl up in so I head towards his bed and hug onto one of the crisp white pillows. My tears now coming down in nearly silent torrents as I try my best not to make odd gasping sounds as I weep.  
  
To my utter surprise and almost disbelief he sits next to me and put his arms around and leans into me. I still continue to cry, but now just because I can't stop  
  
"Hermione" He murmurs into my ear, "I'm sorry. I wasn't concentrating on what you were saying, just on the fact that you were in my room and I was thinking about you so intensely, I forgot to listen. I had just taken a potion for concentration, but that's not an excuse. I'm sorry, so I came to the library assuming you were there and I was trying to apologize there, without having anyone hear me, but I had to take you away to talk to you privately so that's why we must talk here from now on, unless it's strictly speaking of potions and lab work."  
"H'okay." I say with a slightly hoarse sounding voice.  
"Oh, and of course we can do something again, that is if you still want to."  
  
My mood takes a swift up rise from there of course, and I lean away from the pillow and into his firm upper body. He pats down my hair that had been mussed more than normal from scrunching against the pillow.  
  
He nuzzles my head slightly towards him  
  
And he kisses me.  
  
For a moment I am lost and I don't know what to do, then I press my lips gently back to meet his... after a few more seconds of being in a lip- lock, he and I pull slightly away and we stare into each others eyes.  
His eyes are not just black, but a deep, deep black that I could get lost in. They remind me of something pure in its impurity... so intricate to explain, but so simple to understand... So soulful, but from someone I know is corrupted of soul and mind...  
  
"Hermione...what are we doing?" He says without moving his lips, like he's savoring the kiss... soon random memories are flying though my mind, childhood games, birthdays, a Christmas, a transfiguration exam, Norbert, Viktor's owl sending me a break up note, me alone in the tower crying over Harry and Ron's foolishness Damn the occulemency!  
I force my thoughts away from myself and accidentally see a glimpse of something from his life, but it just looked like him standing somewhere, looking miserable and apprehensive  
  
"Why did you do that?" "I'm sorry. It just happened, I didn't mean to" "Please, don't do that ever again." "Well you started it, and I didn't even see much of you!" "I didn't mean to start it, and what did you see?" "I just saw you for a moment standing somewhere alone, looking sad."  
  
He nods and makes to get up, and I pull him back causing him to fall back on his back to the bed. He doesn't move to get up, but stares up at the high stone ceiling above us. Suddenly a now unforgotten song pops into my head and I begin to softly chant it with a slight tune, since I can't sing very well "Deep inside your soul, there's a hole you don't wanna see, every single day what you say makes no sense to me, even though I try, I can't get my head around you..." "What was that?" "Some band, heard the song only a few times before, but I just...remembered it. I guess it came to me because you kept trying to see me, but I didn't learn much about you, and it doesn't make sense." He pulls himself up a little, like he's going to curl to me, but decided against it... I love his softer side so much more than the harsh, unfair professor I used to only know.  
  
I lie back next to him and put one arm under my head and the other across my stomach towards his body. He turns his head and looks at me, but I'm not looking at him, I'm now staring at the ceiling. He looks up too, so I look at him. We switch again, then once more before he realizes I'm playing a game with him "You prat." He mutters  
  
Swiftly, he pulls himself up and lays on me, but is still propping himself up with his other arm... I can feel his warm, shallow breaths fall across my face as I lay with my eyes lightly closed. I reach my arm that was under my head and I snake it across his waist and open my eyes to see if he is surprised or not. He is. His eyes are showing some emotion I've never quite seen before. He inclines himself towards me and kisses me again, but this time with more pressure against me...He's longing for something, something I'm not so sure I'll be able to give him quite yet. I shift under him a bit to the right and he lifts his body off of mine...but why?  
  
"I'm afraid, Hermione, that we aren't ready for much more than kissing yet." "I know, who said anything about more?" "No one, but you shifted and it," A looks dawns upon him, he realized I didn't mean much more than just getting more comfortable underneath his weight, "Well, just don't move against me like that again for a while, dear, unless you want something to happen... agreed?" Aha ha ha haha, I giggle, not at him, but just because "I didn't realize I affected you like that, Sev." I grin "Hmm, well, yes so...did you call me 'Sev'?" "Er, yes?" He pleasantly laughs and tells me that I should probably get back to my own dormitory before it gets much later.  
  



	9. Snog

Muwhahahaha, I'm having fun, people still like it, and apparently my writing gets better with each post? Well, I suppose it's logical, I don't normally have much of any chance to write anything besides essays....anyway, here's part nine! Enjoy!  
  
A few uneventful days have passed since my first kiss...I am relentlessly smiling, except for when I see Malfoy... but I feel like I could levitate just on my good feelings, no magic! I doubt I actually could, but I certainly feel like it  
  
I still think about what I almost saw when I reversed the occulemency...what had I seen? I really want to know that more than anything else right now. I could always ask, but that might be too bold of an action bearing in mind he seemed rather touchy after my mistake.  
  
I set down Severus's book on my pillow, place a piece or parchment between the thick pages to mark my place and close it. This really gives me somewhat of an insight to his tortured past, but I still can't decide if it's based on his life, is an auto-biography, or is just made up. The book is a collection of dark poetry, various spells and hexes, and short and random tales. They all sound like they are pieces passed down through ages and were finally put together by him, but they all have a common thread that reminds me of him.  
They are of the classic theme of evil versus good, but with the outcome of evil succeeding for a prolonged time, and eventually being conquered. I know it's very similar to Vol...Voldemort's reign of Terror.  
  
I am finding myself thinking about him time and time again, then my mind wanders back to my yearn to really know who he is. To know about his past, what he wanted, what he did, and why...  
  
"Hey Hermy, where you going?" Ron says distractedly as he watches Harry talking to Ginny.  
"I'm going down to the potions class, then I'm heading to the library to find a new book."  
"What for!"  
"To read? Honestly, Ron, why else would I go-"  
"No, why Snape's room!"  
I almost stutter for a moment trying to find something to say  
"T-to check on a complicated potion I began for extra credit."  
"You can get extra credit in a newt class? I want credit!"  
"But, well, Ron, you know you're one of my only two best friends, so I must be honest. I think you aren't, well, able to complete this potion. It's immensely complex and if I make any error, it's a negative grade."  
"Why risk it then?"  
"Why not? Ron, I really must be getting down there."  
"Adieu then."  
  
I wave goodbye in response, and take off through the portrait hole and head to his room. I see a group of Slytherins heading toward me, and very un-Gryffindorly, I bolt to the class to escape possible torment. Thank God, they didn't see me running, I feel so nervous... I suppose it's because I want to ask about his life...  
The door is locked, but I want to surprise him. I fumble around on the ledge where the key he had is kept, I feel it, pull it out, unlock the door, and cross the threshold to the room, shutting the door behind myself.  
  
I continue walking softly to his chamber's door and find the door is open, but the room is empty...there is a calm sound like water, he must be in the shower, no matter  
  
I cross the room and sit on his bed cross-legged  
  
I wait...and wait.  
  
He sure takes a long time to take a shower.  
  
Finally the water stops running through the pipes with a sharp screech, and I hear footsteps moving closer to the closed bathroom door. The knob turns, opens slowly as a light is turned off, he steps out  
  
Oh for Merlin's sake, does he have no towels?  
"Oh, sweet Jesus!"  
He shouts an "Argh!" as I dive to shove my face into the covers of his bed, but I can't the image of him out of my mind  
I grab the back of my head and push my face further into the mattress and dig into my scalp with my fingernails, not that I didn't like what I saw, I just didn't want to see him like that when he wasn't expecting me, oh well too late now  
  
I feel his large hand leisurely rub my back as he says,  
"Well, that was interesting. Hermione are you okay?"  
"Of course I'm ok, I'm just sorry I surprised you like that. You certainly surprised me though."  
He chuckles as he walks around and sits near my still buried head. He pulls off the sheet from over my head and folds it back down and I look up at him  
  
He is amazing. A black robe with a small Hogwarts crest embellished on the shoulder, jet-black hair dripping every so often with a single drop of water. His expression is fresh, and pleasantly surprised, which comforts me. He watches me as I look him over intensely as he sits next to me. I look back up to his eyes  
"Hello."  
  
I feel like crying. I'm not sad, just so emotional, and unable to control it. I must be insane.  
  
"Hi." I sigh back.  
  
I push myself to set my head in his lab and look up and him as I snake my arm around his waist. He looks even more surprised  
"My, my. Miss Granger, you are fascinating."  
I give him a puzzled look  
"One day you hate my living guts, the next you lay on my bed, head on my lap, and looking so desirable."  
"Oh, Sev." I say with a false scolding tone  
"You are going to have to stop calling me that, unless you are trying to turn me on."  
I'm almost taken aback by that statement I had no idea....  
"I really effect you that?"  
  
He just falls onto his back the reaches to pull me to him by grabbing me under my arms. I lay against the fabric layer of a robe wrapping his body, breathing in the musky aroma of his hair.  
He turns on his side, and kisses me, so softly.  
We begin to kiss, pressing out lips gradually harder and harder; I can feel my face blush even though I'm not embarrassed. I'm just not used to this yet.  
  
As we grow more passionate, I feel his tongue slightly press through his lips  
  
I open my mouth slightly more and let his tongue in  
  
It's such a strange, pleasurable feeling... warm, moist, almost salty tasting. I never realized how strong tongues are... I plunge mine into him and we begin snogging  
Nothing is going through my head, no thoughts at all, just thinking of him and us and what we could be.  
  
What seems like hours go by and we stop for breath.  
  
"So, what did you come down here for? Why did you venture to my dark dungeons?"  
"I actually came to talk, but this was much better." I smirk in a Snape fashion to him  
"Nice sneer."  
"Smirk." He chuckles lowly  
"So what did you want to talk about?"  
"I'm not so sure I want to bring it up now. I don't want to ruin...this." I gesture vaguely with my right hand.  
"You know you can tell and ask me anything, Hermione." He purrs my name with a low vibrato  
  
I'm not so sure, but here's goes everything.  
  
"I wanted to know what it was I saw of you when I saw a glimpse of your memory." 


	10. GAH!

This section should be a teeny bit angsty, so be prepared. I just want to say again, I love you guys! And 'Hey!' to my faithful readers & reviewers, you guys make me feel appreciated, even if it is just a fic : )   
"You want to know? But, why? Why would you want to know?" A slight hint of irritation quivering through his voice  
  
I begin to say way to quickly with nervousness "I, er, want to know who you are, and I can't truly know who you are until I know your past, and a large part of your past revolves around that, th-that mark on your arm, and I just need to sometime know something if we are to continue with, with us."  
"You must know now?" He has a tone of complete and udder disdain as he clutches his forearm (like I can see the mark under the robe...?)  
"No. Well, not now...but in due time of course. I- I'd like to know now, but if you don't, if you don't want to talk yet, it's perfectly fine." Apologetically I say  
"Do you even have an idea about my past?" He says while creasing his forehead in his severity  
"Yes." I say, trying to convince him  
"How can you?" He says with an awful accusing tone in his voice.  
  
"I've known you for almost seven full years, whether you know it or not, I've learned about you." I am speaking with all of my knowledge of his life I've stored in my mind these past seven years, rushing to be said, "Though Dumbledore, through Harry, and through you and your actions. I saw the mark when you showed it to Fudge the night Voldemort came back in the end of my fourth year, and I've overheard you talking about things sometimes to Moody and other Professors when Voldemort was rising to power. And you think I have no idea? I know you've murdered, lied, and—"I cut myself off as I see his expression immediately drop from anger to something I've never seen on him before... was it sorrow?  
  
He face is hurt and perplexed. His fathomless eyes are shut tight, has a slender tear falling down the side of his face.  
"I'm sorry."  
  
He is looking so icy and sad, I remove his hands from resting on his legs and I cover his still body with mine in an embrace as I cry, my tears falling into his still moist from the shower hair.  
  
Two hours later I wake laying down on him, my many tears dried to my skin. My eyes are swollen, but I can't remember crying for that long.  
  
I shouldn't have brought it up so early in our relationship. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I ought to have waited so much deal longer, if I even were to ask...ever. I hope I didn't wreck us.  
"You're awake now?" he whispers  
"Oh! Yes, how long have you been? ... I'm sorry Severus, I didn't mean to pry or be rude, I just-"  
He presses two of his long fingers against my lips to silence my rambling.  
  
"Only a little while, I have been awake. I know... you didn't mean any harm by asking, but I'm not ready to tell you yet. I haven't yet told anyone. And I'm not about to right now." He states defensively and dully  
  
"Maybe, perhaps, when you er, love me, you will?" I question  
  
He's astonished; he isn't hiding his emotions very well tonight, I can't blame him  
  
"You think you and I will fall in er, love?"  
"Unless you're planning to break up with me, well, yes, we will, we can't stay together and not feel anything stronger than just a crush."  
"But, it's me! I'm not...not..."His voice deteriorates  
"Loveable? What are you talking about? Haven't you been in love?"  
He doesn't answer instead he just looks into my eyes, his eyes searching my face, his brows furrowing with thought, remaining without a reply  
"Not yet then?" I answer for him.  
He just admits a thin smile almost uneasily.  
  
"You aren't hiding your emotions very well anymore, at least around me."  
"But I don't want to hide from you."  
  
I can't help myself, I just have to kiss him, and so I do.  
  
Back in the Gryffindor common room, playing chess with Harry...  
  
"Hermione, it's your move you know."  
"Oh, sorry." I'm so distracted there's no way I'm going to beat Harry  
  
"Okay then, let's see...you there, go to E5."  
"Checkmate."  
Oh, darn it?  
"Hermione, are you okay? You've been acting odd lately and Ron and I don't know why."  
"Oh, Harry, I'm sorry. I've just been busy and it's making me distracted. You know we are supposed to be studying."  
"Studying! But it's nearing Easter of our final year at Hogwarts! You don't have any big exams to study for!"  
"Oh yes we do! Finals are also getting nearer! And if we don't pass those, we don't get good jobs or get to go on to excellent universities!"  
"Oh. Well, we still have plenty of time...right?"  
"No! No we don't! Plus there are other things I have to do in addition to just studying!"  
"What could you possibly do also?"  
  
Eh...heh...yes, so what should I say? I certainly can't tell him. EVER! Well, not yet, and for a while at least.  
  
"Well, we still have the Order to keep going once we leave, in addition to our normal lives." I'm trying to convince this little voice that it's true because we are keeping the order going to detect and stop dark arts from rising to power again, but it shouldn't take up much of my time.  
"Hermione..." he speaks reproachfully  
"We do though!"  
"After our Hogwarts days are over!"  
"Harry, I have to go." I need to leave before I slip up  
"What? Why?"  
"I'm... tired, goodnight. Say goodnight to Ron when he gets back from the 'library' for me."  
"Ah, all right. G'night."  
  
I get up and leave to the stairs to ascent to my room.  
  
Ever since actual classes had started up again, it hasn't been too hard to hide my relationship to Severus. He still treats me (during class) like he always did. He acts as the usual severe, scornful, wicked, and terrifying man we all loved to hate. Brooding over us all when we are trying to correctly make the potion he asked us to create, while answering his nit-picky questions (all of which I remain the only one to know the answers before hand.) and breathing down our necks to intimidate us (secretly, I now get shivers from it, heh) I just have to be careful of not allowing myself to get flustered.  
  
"Mister Potter," He drawls while hissing the 's' in mister, "What exactly do you think you are doing?"  
"Pouring in my ounce of ground beetle dust." Harry states defiantly  
"I wouldn't do that if I were you."  
"Why not."  
"Would you please read aloud the 7th line on the board and the step you made before you started adding the dust?"  
"6 leaves of Jaugarie stirred in clockwise for 3 stirs, 1 half of a bottle of the Essence of Davari, and 1 sliver of fresh Primrose," Then, a heart-wrenching dawn of realization came across Harry's face while Severus wickedly smirks at his mistake, "Then a dash of beetle juice followed by the ground beetle dust."  
"And you missed putting in the juice, didn't you, Potter? You were too arrogant to bother reading the directions fully."  
"I wasn't 'arrogant' sir. I just---"  
"Made a boo-boo, did we? Ten points from Gryffindor for Potter's overconfidence in Potions."  
  
He really does taunt Harry pretty mercilessly... I still don't understand why he takes his frustration of Harry's father and his friends out on Harry. He still hasn't really done much to deserve this sort of agony... Well, nothing that serious...serious...Sirius...okay so maybe he has some things to be pissed off about, but they weren't always all Harry's fault, they were mine too, and Ron's. Maybe I could talk about that to him too...but then he'll think Harry is weak, and Harry isn't weak. He's been through so much, and I know he still hasn't told Ron and I everything.  
  
I have two men who are hiding from me whether they realize it or not, yet I love them both dearly. I choke on my own thoughts.  
Love? Do I love Severus?  
A small voice answers me in the back of my mind  
  
Yes. You do love him.  
  
GAH! I'm in love! 


	11. Courage

Disclaimer: Just realized that I haven't said in a while that, well no, I still don't own Harry Potter. The wonderful Ms. Rowling does, and I love her for it. I just wish the 6th would be written and out... I WANT IT SOOO BADLY! Okay, so again: to the story!  
  
Love.  
  
I'm in love.  
  
With Severus.  
  
My heart skips a few beats every time that thought enters my mind.  
  
Thank Merlin Harry or Ron aren't skilled with Divinitation or Occulemency...otherwise *oh the ridicule*. But they'll know eventually, and really, it doesn't matter. I just don't want anyone to know yet, except for me and Severus that is. Otherwise, he loses his job and integrity, and I lose my enrollment to Hogwarts and I'm looked down upon.  
  
I wish I didn't have to keep it secret. I feel like running to the top of the North Tower and announcing my happiness to the entire world!  
  
But. I. Cannot.  
  
I have to tell Severus. But what if---what if he doesn't love *me*? I would be so humiliated.  
  
No I wouldn't. He still appreciates me enough not to taunt me about it, even if he doesn't love me now... but still, when to tell him? Where? How? This is yet another one of those exceedingly rare times when even * I * don't have the answer. Thinking about this is giving me a migraine.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Two days have passed since my epiphany... I go to my classes. We learn about a new plant in Herbology then plant it and take care of it. Care of Magical Creatures, Hagrid continues teaching us how to take care of Occamies (difficult little buggers), then Transfiguration is interesting until about a half hour before its over because then I start thinking about potions...  
Potions has become my favorite class. I liked it very much before because Potions is truly interesting and much can be learned from books about it. If you put ingredients in incorrectly, you know right away, and can fix it. There's not much guesswork when concocting a potion... unless you start thinking about the Potions master, and loose your track of mind. I find myself doing that too often. I might have to set up an alarm that goes off when I stop thinking of my work then I get back on track. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Last Tuesday I was ordered by Snape to see him after class because I wasn't paying attention...  
  
"Hermione, where was your head today? You almost melted a cauldron!"  
"I'm sorry, sir. I just was thinking about something else."  
"Perhaps, some*one* else?"  
"Correct."  
"Hermione, you must pay attention to the potions and not the potions master. I can't have you destroying you equipment and your grade."  
"I know. I'm just having...", I search for the right words to express my loss, "severe difficulties doing so."  
"Why?"  
"Could I talk to later tonight Severus? I need to get to lunch."  
"Er, of course Hermione. Just make sure you do come back to talk."  
  
I nod and head to the door to find Ron and Harry busy arguing about Quidditch teams to each other, at first I was worried they heard something because I didn't think they would hang around after class, but Ron and I always did for Harry, so it makes sense.  
"No! North Ireland's team is much more skilled in dives than the Bulgarians!" Shouts Ron  
"Oh Ron," I interject, "You just don't like the Bulgarian's team because of Viktor." I smirk  
"What, you still talking to Vikky? And quit smirking, you look like you belong with Snape!"  
"Hahahahaha! Hermione? Like *Snape*!! HA!" Harry goes into fits of laughter followed by, "Never say something like that again!" And then falls into more hysterics.  
I force an expression of amusement at Harry's actions, but deep down, I'm hurt. Even though I know I shouldn't take his words to heart, he doesn't know. If now had been a month ago, I would have been sincerely enjoying myself and laughing with them all the way to the Great Hall for lunch. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It's Thursday now, six o'clock in the evening and the sky is showing the first hints of sunset, and I'm gathering my courage to go to Severus and tell him. I seriously am procrastinating. I've never waited to do something before, least of talk to someone. But I've never told anyone I loved them before... I've never loved anyone like this.  
  
"Okay," I mutter under my breath, "It's now or never." I quit pacing back and forth in my dorm, pick up Severus's book, slip the note I wrote for him inside but so the edge of the grey bordered parchment sticks out enough to see.  
I bounce down the staircase with ease and seeing Ron in a corner chatting to someone from the Quidditch team, I hurry out the portrait hole.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I knock on the door three times  
"Yes?" He drawls from inside  
"It's me Hermione, sir." I announce  
  
Immediately, quick footsteps come to greet me at the door.  
"Finally. I was wondering when you would be done eating the lunch from Tuesday."  
"Oh! Sorry, I just, well I have your book for you and hopefully it will clear everything up."  
  
I hand the thick leather-bound book to him, amused at his mystified expression, turn on my heel and exit. 


	12. The North Tower

Did you like the last chapter? I hope so, in spite of its extreme shortness. I just felt like it was a good place to stop for the night *Muwhahahaha* so here's the beginning of the rest of the tale (don't worry, it's not over yet, I still have much more to torture your minds with, it really shouldn't even be rated R, yet)  
  
SEVERUS P.O.V.! NYAH!  
  
What does she think is going to be cleared up by giving me back this book? She never even asked when I put it in her trunk to begin with? Perhaps she forgot  
I turn over the book  
"Or went insane..." There's nothing on this book to even suggest an answer for her absent-mindedness.  
  
I flip through the pages and a piece of folded paper falls out onto the ground. At first, it looks like a page became loose and fell, I squat down and pick up the parchment and examine it's outside. I unfold it and the phrase "Dear Severus" pops out to me. I take the letter to my quarters and sit down on my chair, and read.  
  
Dear Severus,  
First off, did you put this book in my trunk? I hope so, because otherwise someone is sneaking into both our rooms; stealing then giving away.  
But, I have something more important to tell you. The information isn't suitable for a letter of this manner because this isn't some love letter, this is an invitation. Severus, would you please meet me right now at the top of the North Tower?  
Don't bother to R.S.V.P., either you come or you...arrive. What I'm trying to say is hurry up reading, you read much too leisurely. Get you arse up here. Now!  
  
Love from,  
Hermione  
  
P.S. Well, hurry up then!  
  
Why does she want to meet me at a tower? I suppose it's private, but so is my classroom...Oh, I should be going.  
  
I grab and pull on a black cloak as I stride to my door, heading to the North Tower.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As I reach the last few steps of the spiraling staircase of the North Tower, my eagerness mounts higher in anticipation.  
There she is. Standing there, looking over the edge of the wall, her lovely hands bracing herself from falling as her eyes wander over the grounds. I clear my throat and she spins around, her robes twirling around her legs.  
"So you found it?"  
"The note?"  
"No, the tower." Sarcasm. She's learned well.  
"Yes, so you wished to talk to myself? About what?"  
"I want to tell you something important."  
"So I took from your needing to meet up here on the roof."  
  
She blushes lightly, just enough to make a difference in her normally fair complexion. My eyes linger on her for a moment then I look to the forest to watch a thestral fly back into the depths.  
"Severus, I want to tell, I have.... I love you."  
  
I can feel my eyes widen in surprise as I turn to face her. I look into her eyes, not quite sure what to say to this significant statement. My thoughts fly through my head at near light speed, trying to figure out the obvious conclusion.  
  
"I love you, too, Hermione."  
  
She is in a standstill for a moment as the anxiety falls from her face, and soon she is smothering me with her embrace and her kisses to my lips. I feel all care of anyone seeing melt away as I clutch to her and push my own mouth to hers.  
  
She pulls back for a breath, her thoughtful brown eyes searching my face then locking to my eyes. I can feel my ecstasy spreading through my entire body like a liquid filling my veins.  
  
I take her hand and begin descending down the steps; she lets go after five or six. I turn in surprise.  
"What?"  
She looks at me like I'm unbalanced... oh. We're in school.  
  
I take the palm of my hand and slap it on my forehead to show that I understand my mistake. Then walk past her and down the stairs in a huff, she isn't following, perhaps afraid I am actually angry, I turn my head back at her and make a small smile suggesting she should follow. She does.  
  
We walk all the way through the school, past the dungeons, and into my residence, without saying a word.  
  
I watch her, from the middle of the room where I am standing, as she takes a seat on my couch, he back against the arm rest and her legs pulled up to her with her arms resting across the tops of her knees.  
  
I walk to her, my swift footsteps echoing through the room, and my cloak rustling around my ankles. I sit down on the sofa in the same fashion as she is, but facing her.  
She has a slightly worried expression on her face  
  
"What is it?"  
"It's complicated."  
"Maybe I can try understanding?"  
"That'd be something new." Again with the smirking, I'm proud  
"You're starting to act like me. You smirk and sneer, and make snide comments. You friends may begin to become frightened."  
Her smirk levels into a smile.  
"Fine. My mental issue is that, however selfish it may be, I want to be older."  
"Older! Why would want that?"  
"So I could be with you, and it would be socially acceptable."  
"But you would lose 20 years of you life!"  
"Not actually 20, you know it's less."  
"No. I won't let you." I lay down the rule  
"But if I don't you and I will never be able to be seen in public doing anything! All I have to do is swallow some aging potion. Fred and George took a few drops to look a few months older in my 4th year. If they can brew it, I can."  
"I have no doubts that you can make the potion, I just will not allow you to take any. Especially if you're taking it just for me."  
"Well, then what do you suggest?"  
  
What do I suggest? Well, it's simple, I take the de-aging potion, become younger, and we can be together.  
  
"Well, do you have anything?"  
"Yes. I could take de-aging potion and become closer to your age and gain about fifteen years to my life, instead of you losing the fifteen and not being able to go to a university right after graduation."  
"There's a potion to become younger?" The disbelief showing from her eyes  
"Of course there is. Everything has a counter part."  
"Except death? And dementors' kiss?"  
Right...  
"Yes, those are the exceptions."  
  
She mills the thought of a younger me over in her mind. I can almost see her thoughts going around through her head. I turn away and look at my book on the table. Her note is resting on the book like it's been there for years.  
  
Her voice disrupts my gaze  
"Would you lose your mark?"  
"No." That depresses me. I want all evidence of having been linked to Voldemort to disappear.  
"Good."  
Incredible. She really is insane.  
  
"Have you lost your mind, Hermione?"  
"If you lose the mark then you have nothing to show for your past, your life, who you are."  
  
"All right then. Who am I?"  
She takes a moment to think then, to my surprise, makes a small speech  
"You are Severus Snape, Thirty-four. You went to Hogwarts, had an unusual talent in potions, and hated Potter, Lupin, Black, and you know. You went to an exclusive University to specialize in Potions, but remained impressionable. You joined V-Voldemort, and did terrible acts. You joined up with Dumbledore and became an excellent spy for our side, now you remain as the Potions master at your childhood magic School, and head of Slytherin house. You still hate Potters, Lupin, Black, and well you know...and you love me." She finishes.  
  
I am taken aback at her profound statements, and astonished at her incredible accuracy.  
  
"But I need to know the rest."  
"Rest of what?"  
"You." She says suggestively. I look up at her, a moment ago I had been looking down at my hands.  
Her eyes are narrowed, but she startles me  
  
Does she mean what I think her to mean?  
  
"All of me?" I question back with the same tone in my voice  
  
Her cheeks and tips of her ears turn pink, and she buries her face into her robe.  
  
She.... wants me. 


	13. Rain Storm

Nyah...still don't own Harry Potter, or in other matters, if you see some "big words", it's because I've been studying for SAT's and I'm practicing them Muwhahahaha  
  
Oh, and back to HERMIONE GRANGER'S P.O.V.  
  
I can't believe I just told him (however indirectly) that I want him... What's going to happen?  
  
His black eyes light up as he stares at me with sudden fervor... I gaze into their beautiful oblivion  
  
He grasps my shoulders and pulls me back to sit against his warmth... I snuggle and wedge myself into hit arms and sit amid his cloak-covered legs. He softly kisses the tops of my hair and a sound from outside startles me awake from my trance  
  
"It's raining." He whispers  
I smile to myself  
  
"Want to go outside?"  
"In the rain?"  
"Yes..."  
"Are you mad! It's pouring rain out there!" I point to the wall, but meaning outside past it  
  
He just laughs as he rises leaving me to almost fall off the cushions.  
  
"Why are you laughing?" I demand  
  
He begins feeling along the wall that I had wildly gestured to; taps on one of the numerous grey rocks with his wand, and like he thinks his is in Diagon Alley.  
  
He turns back to me, I give his the most quizzical look I've ever had and begin to say  
"What on earth---"  
  
Then, to my astonishment, a door appears and he pulls it open to reveal the dark rain falling from the angry blue sky.  
  
"Want to go outside?"  
  
I get up and glide to him and the door as he beckons to me.  
"No rain coats?"  
  
He takes a few broad strides, immersing himself in the torrents  
I grin at his antics. Like he expects me to---  
"AHH! YOU LITTLE---!"  
I have been hauled into the violent downpour; my hair is already plastered to my head and back.  
  
He pulls me along at the speed of a racehorse with the whip of his master on his heels... I just physically can't run that fast with my shorter gait, and I have to let go, clutching my chest, trying to catch my breath.  
  
He whirls around and sashays back to me acting silly with the happiest expression I've ever seen anyone have. It's hard to think that this is the man who stood with Voldemort and is now so full of deep anguish that he won't even speak of. Maybe I'm helping him to feel better?  
  
He reaches his slim hands to my face and pulls me into a kiss, innocently like little children behind their parent's backs. I beam at him when he pulls back away and slowly saunters off in the bending grasses. His hair is sleek and his robes are positively drenched, and I run to walk by his side.  
  
"What are we doing?"  
"Walking to that tree over there," He points at a large beech, "Maybe we can get some shelter from it."  
  
I think to myself, 'or we could go back to your office where it's completely dry' but I say nothing because this is much more enjoyable.  
  
We walk in perfect silence, listening to the heavy rain on and around us. Arriving at the tree, I see that there are some dry patches, but with the water of our clothes, nothing matters if it's dry or not...  
  
"Having fun?" He questions  
I first let out a short laugh, then answer a simple, "Yep."  
He laughs as he lies back, resting against the strong tree trunk, and pulling his black hood over his head, shadowing his jovial eyes.  
  
After an hour of enjoyable and philosophical conversation about life and society's insanity, we drift to quietness. Not uncomfortable silence, but just letting each other listen to the ever pounding fury of the spring storm.  
  
Ten minutes pass and I turn to him, only to find that he has fallen asleep.  
  
I pull at him softly to let him fall onto my crossed legs. I endearingly fondle his wet hair as he moves slightly in his sleep. I can only imagine what his dreams are about... are they memories seeking to torture him? Or perhaps dreams about potions? Or flying, or love?  
  
He quietly stirs and I try to soothe him by petting his hair... No, that didn't work. He awakens and seems a bit startled at where we are.  
  
"I love you." He murmurs and reaches up to twirl a curl of my hair around his finger  
I bend down and kiss his nose.  
  
"I've decided to tell you."  
"Tell me what?"  
  
Then I remember I had asked about his past that must be what he means, I say  
"Oh! ...Oh."  
  
He lets go of my lock of hair and pressures my neck down to meet his lips for a gentle kiss.  
  
Standing up, he tries his best to dust off his muddy robes, then resorts to a simple scourgify spell. Severus looks at me expectantly.  
  
Oh. I should get up, we must be going back. I stand up too quickly and my head begins to spin. As I lose my balance slightly, Severus leaps to try and grab me, but ends up falling on me.  
  
"Well, so much for getting up and going, eh?"  
He sneers playfully, and hauls me up as he begins walking.  
  
"No one could have seen us from the castle, right?"  
"Did you by any chance notice the pelting rain and the near black sky? How could anyone see us?"  
"You're right... it is like its night out, even thought it's barely four."  
  
"Why don't you go wash up, and I'll talk to you after dinner. All right?"  
"Yes, of course."  
  
I perform a simple drying spell on my hair and robes to give the appearance of being dry, but underneath, my whole uniform was drenched. I saunter out of his room happily, and head towards my dormitory.   
  
I'm now all showered, warm, clean, and DRY...and tired. I haven't run for a very long time and my emotions are weary. I expect after tonight, I will be drained and stressed feeling, so the more awake I am, the better.  
I plop onto my mattress and bury myself under the covers, telling Lavender to wake me up at six thirty so I can get down to dinner.  
  
"Hermione? Hermione. HERMIONE GRANGER!"  
"What? Oh! Thanks!"  
  
Who knew Lavender could be so loud? Sheesh.  
  
I attempt to brush out my hair and settle for just forcing it into a rubber hair band. I can hear Ron arguing about something to Harry, very vociferously.  
"I SAW them with my own eyes! Bloody HELL! Why don't you believe me?"  
  
My heart stops... could he have seen?  
  
I peak slowly around the corner of the staircase, my body pressed against the wall in effort to hide. I see a highly affronted, yet bemused Harry, and an absolutely fuming Ron.  
Harry laughs at Ron, saying  
"Have you lost your mind, Ron? Have you actually gone mad?" Harry is clutching his stomach with laughter, and everyone else in the common room is laughing quietly or hysterically. Take Neville, for instance, he is giggling like a little girl, trying not to tumble out of a chair.  
  
Ron is obviously insulted, and the background laughter, in addition to Harry's disregard, isn't helping.  
  
"You. Have. Got. To. Believe. Me. DAMN IT!" With each word he poked Harry stiffly on the shoulder.  
"But, Ron! Listen to yourself! You think you saw our Hermione with Snape! Don't you see any possibility that you are wrong?"  
Ron storms up towards the girl's dormitory, and me, he is obviously forgetting that the stairs turn into the slide when any boy tries to get up them. He takes nearly seven steps and the stairs melt into the slide and he glides back down, mean while, his temper rising. I lose my foothold on the slippery surface and I shoot downhill and land on my bum at Ron's feet.  
  
"Well?" he demands, bothered by my sudden appearance, "Were you with Snape?"  
  
In my shock from his outright accusation, my astounded face suits the fact that I should be surprised and disgusted.  
  
"Ron? Did you just ask if I was with," I spit the last words out with complete repugnance, "Snape? Professor SNAPE?"  
  
"Yes, I did!"  
I let out a gagging sound, as if the idea makes me wretch.  
"Ron, have you gone nuts?"  
"No! I SAW you and- and HIM!"  
  
Ron's face is turning a hideous puce colour; he looks like he might vomit right onto me.  
  
"Ron. No. I was not with Professor Snape, and what would possibly convince you that you had?" I annunciate each word with precision in my effort to make him think he is wrong.  
  
"I saw a tall man and a girl that looked like you from the back, running together and hugging-possibly snogging- in the rainstorm!"  
"So you saw someone tall...and a girl, in the blurry rain. And you assume it was me with Snape?" I feel hurt that he would think automatically to me (even if it was)  
  
I feel my eyes begin to burn with tears and Ron notices the tears welling.  
  
"So it wasn't you?"  
  
"Ron, I just woke up after taking a shower."  
  
"How do I know you just woke up?" Accusingly he spits it out  
  
"I woke her up just now!" Shouts Lavender in my defense, after all, she had just woken me up.  
  
"Oh." His face lightens to a pink embarrassment instead of the fury red, "I'm sorry, Hermione." He mutters.  
  
A few people in near the walls shove their fists in their mouths to keep from laughing again. Harry walks up to me and slings his arm loosely around my shoulders.  
"I told you, Ron. You've gone nutters."  
  
"Oh, thanks." He says sarcastically and sadly walks away.  
  
I go down to dinner with Harry; and of course he brings up Ron's insanity  
"No, Harry, don't talk about it ever. I know he means well and who knows, maybe what he saw really looked like me. But, please, don't talk about it. It will only create more problems, and I want our last two months of school to be perfect."  
  
We sit down and begin eating our meal. I still think the elves must be paid... I look at my food mourning, thinking about how I can't see Snape for a while, Ron will only think about us more.  
"You're not thinking about 'Spew' are you?"  
"S.P.E.W. How many times must I say? And what if I am?"  
"Please don't even begin to lecture, Hermy."  
"Oh, fine."  
"Hey," He rolls his eyes over to the professor's table, "Snape's looking over here funny, if only Ron was here, he'd accuse him and get three-hundred points taken from Gryffindor."  
I muster out a small laugh, as I look up at Severus only to have our eyes meet and I look away forlornly.  
  
I finish picking at my potatoes and Harry and I leave back to the tower. I don't even look at the table. 


	14. Ron's information

Alas, I remain dejected and forlorn... I still do not have the rights to Harry Potter pout so I am busy acting like a pirate arrrr  
  
It's the day after the rain... The periwinkle sky still shows the signs of a downpour and the air is wet. When we were in Care of Magical Creatures, the smoke from the young ashwinders we studied stayed close to the ground, causing some Slytherin to have asthma problems.  
  
I'm anxious (and not in a particularly good way) for potions... I worry what Ron may say even if he doesn't think we are together...What will Severus do since I hadn't gone back to him to talk? I completely ignored him and blew off his opportunity to tell me his life. I feel so awful... what am I going to do? ... I just have to stay calm. Otherwise, I'll have a panic attack and I'll have to go to Madame Pomfrey for a calming drought.  
  
Ron, Harry, Neville and I head down towards the dungeons, stomping our feet every-so-often to rid our shoes of the mud from outside. Harry might be stomping more, just to get every speck off to peeve off Filch, since Filch can't prove it was us.  
  
Neville holds the door open for us as we wander into class, well before the time the bell will go off. We all take a seat at the usual desks and take out all the ingredients listed on the board. I brush my hair out of my face and steal a glance up at Severus's desk, only to find he isn't standing there, glaring at the class in his normal manner.  
  
I quickly survey around the room to find where he is. I see the Slytherins slowly filing in, a few Gryffindors already seated, while a few mill around, chatting with neighbors until our Professor arrives. The bell rings, and no one else seems to notice the missing Severus Snape.  
  
With a sudden slam of the door, he thunders in, hair flying back at his swift pace. He positions himself behind his table, looking flustered and intimidating.  
"I believe you all can see the board, why have you not begun?"  
  
The whole class rushes to get ingredients out, but I have already began slicing my mandrake roots into perfectly thin pieces.  
  
Class is nearly over, and I haven't dared to look up and stare at Severus for fear of Ron shouting out something stupidly.  
  
"Well done, Mister Malfoy." He is strolling between each table, praising the students from his house and making snide commentaries at everyone else.  
When he gets to our table, Ron's ears turn burning red, and he ducks down to his bag pretending he forgot to get out the next ingredient.  
  
He merely glares at Harry.  
  
If looks could kill, Harry and Severus would have killed each other with their glowers already. He turns his gaze to me  
  
"Miss Granger, do you honestly believe your potion is anything like what my direction indicated?"  
I look down at it. Looks fine to me...and I've done everything correctly  
"Yes, sir. My potion looks perfectly fine to me."  
"To you perhaps, but you added black moth wings instead of what the actual component is, on the board" He points his wand at the board.  
I see the words "black moth wings" but it's sloppy writing  
"What's wrong with what I put in, Professor?" I don't understand  
"It clearly says Black Mote Wings. Not 'moth'. Tell me, Potter, what do you see?"  
  
Harry squints at the board  
"Well, sir, I understand why Hermione thought it was 'moth', the writing isn't as clear, but it is 'mote'." He finishes with melancholies for me.  
  
He frowns down upon me  
"I would have thought that you would be the competent reader in the Gryffindor house, or at least better than Potter."  
"Well I can't help it if your writing is sloppy!" I burst out  
  
"Miss Granger, please see me after class, and ten points from Gryffindor." He continues walking along the rows, and making his sarcastic remarks to the rest of the class.  
  
"Oh! I can't believe him! The prat!" I mutter furiously so only Harry and Ron can hear me.  
"I'm sorry Hermione, want us to wait for you?"  
"No, go ahead, I need to go to the loo after either way."  
  
When class is over, I walk up to Severus's desk and await his "detention notice". I hear papers rustling, but he is standing in a corner, looking where I was sitting only moments before.  
  
"Potter, Weasley, if you are quite done fooling around..."he accuses menacingly  
  
They pop up from behind the desk, apparently standing on their knees, Harry holding up a sodden rag.  
"Just mopping up some of my spilled potion, sir." Harry lies badly  
"Right. Leave. Now!"  
  
They get up slinging their bags over their shoulders then sprinting, as if their lives depended on it, out of the class and up the hall. Severus closes the door with a spell and seals it from eavesdroppers that might be waiting outside the door, then walks up behind his desk and sits down.  
  
I can't help it...my eyes sting with that familiar feeling of angst. I didn't go to him to listen to his life. I blew him off and then ignored him. I'm so selfish.  
  
"Hello, Hermione." He says in excessive politeness  
  
I burst out in tears and I drop to the ground, unable to hold myself up. He springs up and comes to my side to hold me. I sob into his shoulder, my words slurring  
"S-sorry I did'n come here...Rhon said he saw ush, and he was yelling at Harry while everyone in...in the common room laughed at him 'cause he seemed insane with his accusation."  
"What! Weasley saw?" He turns my face towards him  
  
I catch my breath and wipe away my tears, trying to compose myself  
  
"No, no. He thought he saw, but all he saw in the blurry, dark rain was a tall figure and someone that unreasonably looked somewhat like me from the back. I was hurt t-that he would assume it was me, and it showed in my speech and face, so he believed me. Now the whole school thinks he is insane, and it's completely my fault."  
  
I sniff and wipe the new tears out of my eyes, just before they tumble down my cheeks. My face feels swollen, and I can't believe he would still kiss me on the cheek like he just did.  
  
"It isn't your fault, Hermione," He speaks soothingly, "It really isn't mine though either, so it's really no one's fault. Shh..." He comforts me, and just holds me for a long time.  
  
"Why didn't you come to me?" He sounds hurt, his defenses are down  
  
"I didn't want to be missing right after Ron had just finished accusing me of being with you. I don't want you to lose your veracity by being found out while I'm still at Hogwarts. And I wanted to ogle you at dinner, but I can't look at you on my own when Harry was watching me."  
He rests his head on mine and sighs deeply. After a few more moments, He picks me up around the waist as he stands up and he half drags me back to his residence. He tells me to go sit on the couch  
  
"Bit straightforward now aren't you?" He just glares at me, so I sneer back. He laughs and walks to his bureau and hangs his cloak by magic to hang. Then he steps over to the sofa where I sit waiting for what happens next.  
  
"So do you still want to hear 'my life story'?"  
  
He is still going to tell me?  
  
"Yes! I didn't think you were going to since I sort of didn't come her last night." He sits down next to me and I curl up into his arms. He pulls me in as close as I can be  
  
"I think Dumbledore knows."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"As I was on my way to this class he told me to 'stop if I didn't sincerely love her'. Then he walked on, leaving me dumbfounded, stalled in the middle of the hall."  
  
"So... are we stopping?" 


	15. Popculture references?

Was that a cliffhanger or what? I feel like laughing evilly again so *ahem* Muwhahahaha haha! Just want to say thanks so much to my reviewers, and Abbey, you rock! I hate that phrase, but I don't know what else to say...So yeah... Um.... Oh right, don't own HP, wish I did.... So buckle-up and enjoy! (Coca-Cola)  
  
He looks intently at me, his eyes searching my face... Are we stopping? The sentence reverberates in my head like a solemn bell. Why isn't he answering?  
  
"Do you want to stop?" His voice as intent as his eyes  
"No! I don't! Why would I? I love you, dammit!"  
  
A wave of relief passes over his face  
  
"Do you believe in a thing called love?" I ask critically, all references of pop-culture intended  
"What?" He looks at me like I'm insane  
  
"Just listen to the rhythm of my heart." I explain  
"What are you---"  
  
"Aiee, I believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of my heart. There's a chance we can make it now, we'll be lookin till the sun goes down. I believe in a thing called love, ahahahaaa!"  
  
He stares at me dumbfounded for my singing outburst.  
  
"My apologies, love. I just...felt like singing?"  
  
"Right. Of course. Is that some muggle song I'm supposed to know?"  
"No, I just know it, and I like it."  
  
He continues staring at me like I've lost my mind.  
"You should be going to lunch, you've been here long enough. And don't forget, you've got detention tonight at six, so make sure you do all your work before hand."  
  
I get up and nance out of the room, through the class, and out to the hall. I head up to the girl's washroom, pull out my time turner again, flip back an hour so I have more time, and then I run to the common room to start my essay.  
  
Twenty or so minutes later, Ron and Harry come through the door and immediately see me behind a pile of books and papers.  
  
"Hermy, why didn't you come to lunch?"  
"Oh, I forgot. Snape just got me so distracted. He gave me a detention because I lashed out at his injustice to his face. I really have to learn to control my emotions around him." I say distractedly while I search for my inkbottle.  
  
Finding it, I dip in my quill, and begin scratching away at my History of Magic essay about werewolf rights protests.  
"I wonder if Lupin has been in any of these protests... He might have a lot of information."  
"Well, even if he was, you can't don anything about it. Not like you can go there."  
  
I make a mental note to see if Sev will apparate him and me to headquarters sometime before next Friday so I can ask Professor Lupin myself.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Gah! It's nearly six! I have to leave now...  
  
"Where you going, Hermione?"  
"Detention! I told you!"  
"Ooh. Right. Forgot, sorry." Ron continues writing his paper. I suspect that as soon as I'm gone, he's going to look at my paper. Oh well  
  
I scurry like a mouse down to the office and see the door already open. It seems unusual that it would be open, allowing people to pass by and see what's inside. I enter carefully, looking around the room for anyone. I see Malfoy and his two usual cronies standing near Severus's desk.  
"What are you doing here, Granger?" Malfoy demands menacingly.  
"Detention. What are you doing here, Malfoy?" I shoot back with a well-learned sneer that would make any student quiver with fear.  
His stature seems to diminish under my glare, much to my happiness.  
  
Severus emerges from his room, looking very well groomed.  
"What can I do for you Mister Malfoy?" He remarks without even glancing at me.  
"Well, you could get the Mudblood out of here for starters."  
Severus tenses up at the mention or the cruel name directed at me.  
"Settle down, Draco. I'm afraid I can't permit you to speak like that at this school." He drawls dangerously  
  
"Well, sir, I would like to request that you book the Quidditch pitch next week so Slytherin can get in some practice. Not that we need it, it's just fun to watch the other teams suffer." He snidely glances at me with the last word 'suffer'.  
"Of course, Draco."  
"Goodbye, Professor," as he exits past me, he nods his head and says, "Granger." Too polite. Peculiar.  
  
I stare at Malfoy as he closes the door behind himself, in disbelief.  
"Did you hear that? He said my name and nodded then left. Without another remark. Odd."  
"Yes. Perhaps because I was here?"  
"But he called me a-a mu... A you-know-what, while you were here."  
  
"Does it matter? So what would you like to do for detention?"  
"Well, actually can I write a few lines so I'm not entirely lying when I say I had detention?"  
  
"Er, all right. Get out a quill and parchment. I want you to write something about me 5 times."  
  
I begin writing 'Severus Snape is the sexiest son of a bitch that ever was.'  
  
I hand the finished paper to him, and he reads it surprised.  
"Thank you." He folds up the paper and pushes it into his pocket, then laughs to himself as he walks to his room.  
  
I follow him, unsure of what he is doing.  
  
"Remember our age discussion?"  
"The me not allowed to take aging potion, but you wanted to take a de- aging potion? Yes, I remember."  
"I thought that maybe tonight we could start on it."  
  
"I've changed my mind."  
"What?"  
"I don't want you near my age. I fell in love with you the way you are now, not you as an adolescent."  
  
"Well, what about a few years younger?"  
"How many?"  
  
"About seven or eight?"  
  
Hmm... I mumble...well maybe, that wouldn't be so bad  
"That wouldn't be too bad. Did you look dramatically different seven years ago?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, I don't want to start it yet. Just incase I decide against it."  
"Who wears the pants in this relationship? I do."  
He sticks out his tongue at me and goes to his closet, pulling out a black cloak with a hood. He holds it up, looking at the size, then looks at me.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Were leaving the country for the night and you need to wear a cloak this time while we leave."  
  
I stand there, absolutely bewildered.  
"What do you mean we're leaving? Where are we going? Severus, what's going on?"  
  
He takes the cloak and shoves it over my head; I fix my arms out the sleeves and let the hem fall to the ground. This thing is about a foot too long.  
  
He points at my shoes and mutters something and my shoes rise, making me nearly as tall as he is.  
  
"What's going on?" I say exasperatedly  
  
"I just need to get out of the castle, and you have to come with me because I need the company. And I love you, so lets go somewhere," he begins rummaging around in a cupboard for a suitcase, and pulls two out. He casts a spell that packs his case neatly full of clothes and somehow, some of my clothing appears in the other trunk.  
  
"How'd you get my belongings?"  
"Magic."  
  
I roll my eyes as he picks up both suitcases and drapes an invisibility cloak over them. He walks over to me, and we are both surprised to see each other at eye level. Normally, I have to look up a bit to see his eyes... He puts out his arm and I hook my elbow into his and walk out the secret door he has. I let go as we walk through the grasses that are finally dried up.  
  
We reach the edge of the school boundaries.  
  
"Do you have your time-turner by any chance?"  
"Yes, I always have it." I answer, slightly tilting my head sideways in question  
  
"Good." 


	16. This old house

Still don't own HP... poo... plus I was e-mailing and just "surfing the web" haha.... Actually I really only go to mugglenet.com, since that's my e- mail.... blah oh and this one is kinda short, sorry to disappoint, but I'm just feeling blah so I'll be writing another chapter soon enough thanks to all me reviewers!  
  
"Good, what's so good? We can't use it!" I shout as he looks at me with a mischievous glint in his dark eyes, "What are you thinking? It's- it's against the law!" I place special emphasis on the words against and law, trying to make my point.  
  
"Don't you ever do anything that's forbidden?" At first I think, what in bloody hell? Hasn't he known me forever... then I realize the sarcasm  
  
"Oh, shut it, you."  
  
He wraps his arms around me, surprising me at first, and then he says  
  
"Apparating?" he questions as a hint to end my slight confusion.  
  
"One, two-- " We swirl through the air and space and land with a soft flump on something cushy  
  
"Three."  
  
"Damn." I say as I try to figure out where we are  
"What?"  
  
"You're a sneaky bastard." I state as I've just realized he apparated us onto a bed.  
  
He nuzzles his head next to my neck, his breath tickling my ears. The pit of my stomach stirs quite a bit, especially when he starts running his hand up and down my outer thigh. God, that feels so tempting  
  
Millions of thoughts dart through my mind, are we going to....to do something? Am I afraid of doing anything at all? But I love him, so so so much... Am I ready? No, I'm not... I'm.... What if we do? Would that be so bad? I don't know very much about anything like this, but who really does until they've done it?  
  
I softly kissed his jaw line as I think  
  
"Sev..." I begin, but trail off, not sure what to say next. "I... I er..."  
  
He lets go and propels himself off me.  
  
"Sorry." He mutters  
"Oh. Well, it's all right, I just... I don't think..." I just can't bring myself to say 'I don't think I'm ready for much of anything just yet'. I don't feel any of the courage that I should have, being in Gryffindor and all...  
  
"No, no, Hermione. It's perfectly all right!" He says honestly, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, or anything like that!" He now seems flustered, but still is being sincere  
  
I can feel my face becoming pinker as I think about it, so I jump up and off the bed, pull off the robe and heightened shoes and put them on a chair. I begin to walk down this unfamiliar hall. I hear his footsteps slowly following me. I think he's trying to pretend he isn't there, but I can hear his heels each time he places it down again. I push open one door. A dark lavatory is inside; I reach, feeling with my fingers for a light switch.  
  
"You're never going to find a light switch, Hermione. This isn't a muggle house."  
  
I pull back my hand  
"Lumos." I say and I shine my wand light into the room. Seems like a normal washroom, so I walk on. The next door I come to, I try to turn the handle.  
  
"Why is this door locked?"  
  
"I don't like it opened."  
  
"What? Why? What's in there?"  
  
"It was my brother's room when he lived here for a while. I'm not about to go in there and touch his filthy things, so I just keep it locked." His eyes are blank and emotionless. Strange. Maybe he'll tell me about his brother...  
  
I move to the next room to end the silence. I push the heavy door open to find just a closet with a few old brooms, a single dark brown cloak, and a box on shelf I can't reach.  
  
I turn back; just to see what he is doing, only to find that he isn't there anymore.  
  
"Severus?" I call. My voice echoes slightly through the empty corridor. "Severus?" I say, my voice rising in anxiety  
  
I tear back down the hallway to the room we first apparated in. Standing in the doorway, I comb over the room with my eyes, I don't think he's in here. I look to my left; there is an old staircase. I walk down the thickly covered in dust steps, sliding my right hand on the railing. I find myself in the living room I visited with Sev on our "first date"... There is a swinging wooden door leading to another room. The door is lightly swinging...  
  
"Severus? Severus Snape? Professor?" I call out  
  
I can feel my shoulders tensing as I grip my wand that was in my pocket. I slowly pull out my wand and hold it in front of me as I push open the swinging door. I see a kitchen.... And Severus standing by a stool pouring himself a small glass of brown liquor.  
  
"What in bloody hell are you doing? Why did you all of a sudden disappear? Damn it."  
  
He sips at his glass, contemplating his answer.  
  
"I thought I would let you explore this old house without me trailing you down the halls."  
  
"Why? This house is actually slightly creepy... I don't want to be in here alone."  
  
Even though I think this house is perfectly safe, I just have an odd feeling... A feeling like when I first went into number twelve Grimmauld place. It felt...eerie and evil.  
  
I must be over-reacting. I tend to do that, no matter how much I try to deny it. But, just the untouched "vibe" I feel, and the magic holding this house... is definitely not the same magic holding together the Weasley's house... 


	17. Sev's Story

Mean reviewers *grr*... I like the helpful meanness, but not the sarcastic unconstructive ones... they make me sad : ( oh well, to all my steady reviewers: you guys rock! Nyah, you guys make me happy and want to write because I can lol... so on to 17 and get ready for some *angst* Sev's story finally comes out... I almost cried at my own writing, maybe I'm just in that kind of mood though, you tell me...  
  
I wake up, blinking in the bright sunlight pouring from a window. I am surprised for a second to find Severus sleeping next to me. He lies on his stomach, slightly sprawled out. I pull up my legs and sit for a few moments just watching him fondly. Then I remember the time-turner that we haven't used yet.  
  
Ooh...there are probably some serious problems going on at Hogwarts. And Dumbledore... I'm sure he knows where all the professors live, so he might come here! And find us! Bloody hell, we've got to go back now!  
  
I spring off of the mattress and grab my time turner that was tangled inside my robe on the floor. I jump back onto the bed, waking up Sev.  
"What're you doing?"  
  
"Time-turner. Come here." I pull the chain over my neck and loop it over his.  
  
He still looks confused at everything happening so quickly.  
  
"How far back should we go?" My mind is racing with how many numbers of hours we should go back in order for everything to be okay.  
  
"Go back five days."  
  
"Five days? I don't know if I can keep track of how many hours I turn back for that!"  
  
"Haven't you ever done whole days over? Just hold it longer each turn."  
  
I slowly flip it five times backwards. I feel like I've tipped over and my neck pulls forward. As soon as it started, he and I are lying on a made bed, but the same kind of light is coming in.  
  
"Do you think it worked?"  
  
"Obviously."  
  
"Why so obvious?"  
  
He looks around the room..."We didn't bring our other clothes back"  
  
It takes me a second to figure out what he has said, and then it hits me.  
  
"We have no clothes?"  
  
"Nothing besides what we are wearing." He explains  
  
"Ooh... what are we going to do?"  
  
He shrugs and slides his hand through his hair.  
  
"Well, I'm sure your brothers room has clothes that would fit you?" I ask carefully  
  
"No."  
  
"Why wouldn't it?"  
  
"I'm not going in there."  
  
"Will you please tell me why?"  
  
He sighs  
  
"I'll have to tell you everything now then?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
He lies back down on his side looking at me. I watch him; I'm extremely interested in what he is going to say.  
  
"It's a long story." He solemnly warns  
  
"We have a long time."  
  
"All right... My brother was born, I was born, then my sister. My brother was named Dominic and my sister was October, but she went by Toby. Toby went to Hogwarts, as a Hufflepuff for a year. Just long enough to master one spell. The Unfindable spell. She placed it on herself, left Hogwarts, and became a muggle. She didn't like magic, and wasn't happy that she was part of a pure wizard family. She accepted magic, she wasn't against it, Toby just didn't want the powers for herself,"  
  
He sits back up and faces me to talk. He's just close enough to touch if I were to put out my arm.  
  
"My brother and parents, along with myself at the time, did not approve. They didn't try to even find her. I looked. But her spell was extremely good, and I couldn't find her. Years passed while I was at Hogwarts, and I'm sure Potter has told you and Weasley all about what he saw during Occulemency lessons." He looks at me, acting defensive  
  
"Well, no. What are you talking about?"  
  
"He didn't tell you?"  
  
"Tell me what?"  
  
"Astonishing. Potter actually had enough sense to keep his big mouth shut. Simply amazing."  
  
I punch him on the shoulder, "Harry is my best friend."  
  
"Right... well, let me just say my childhood was not pleasant. Set me up to be moody and introverted...Potter and his gang thought it to be a pastime to try and curse me. Too bad for them that I was better at spell work than they were or ever will be..."  
  
"Severus, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you not to talk about the Potters, Professor Lupin, or Sirius like that."  
  
"Oh right. You're fond of them" he finishes, "What about Pettigrew?" He says trying not to smile  
  
"Shut it, you. Just go on with your story, please?"  
  
"All right... My brother went to Durmstang. He wasn't nice enough to even be in Slytherin. He too extremely fascinated in the Dark Arts, while I stayed somewhat away from that, for the time being... I studied everything intensely, yet I've always been rather gifted with Potions and Defense tactics. Soon I was out of Hogwarts and the Dark Lord was beginning to gain some power. Not enough to be a serious threat, just enough so the Ministry was keeping him in check. Years passed, and my brother came to me. He knew I was only a professor, but I was exceptional with magic so he came to try and get me to join the Dark Lord. I was impressionable still, and I thought it better to be on the powerful side, rather than be opposing it. So I joined."  
  
Severus crosses his arms and grabs at his forearm where the mark is.  
  
"What you saw when you flipped the Occulemency was a few hours after I had united with him. As soon as the mark was branded to me, I began to think maybe I shouldn't have... have joined, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I withstood torture to prove my allegiance to him, and then I started 'missions'."  
  
I can feel my eyes starting to sting...I want to cry. I have to be strong though. Severus is finally telling me, and I can't break down into tears, as he isn't...  
  
"Hermione," He pleads, "Are you sure you want me to continue?"  
  
"Yes, yes!" I assure him, however my voice hurts and my throat feels swollen from retaining my tears  
  
"I tortured muggles and anti-darkness wizards. I killed... I laughed, and I did nothing to prevent anything. Not even when people like Lucius would rape women, while their husbands were restrained and tortured."  
  
He tilts his head to wipe a tear away; trying to pretend it's an itch. I feel a pang go off in my heart...  
  
"I began to go into a depression, but I continued to hide my emotions from the Dark Lord with my Occulemency. Thank Merlin for that, otherwise, I wouldn't have lasted a minute. One night I went on a muggle raid with my brother and a few other Death Eaters... they found my sister."  
  
I want to hold him, but I'm too caught up in his words... I can't move.  
  
"My own brother used the Cruciatus curse on our sister. Then he killed her. They wanted me to kill her, but I told them that they found her and it was their reward. I used Occulemency to say good bye to Toby, and show her any happy memories I could think of before she died."  
  
My face is streamed with tear tracks  
  
"I started being contacted by Albus and we began talking. He knew I was with you know, he calls him Tom Riddle still... and it continues to amaze me. But I became a spy for Dumbledore and the 'good side'...I still was attending meetings and missions as if I was still a-a Death Eater of course... but they became harder and harder to survive. Luckily, your Potter destroyed him for the time being..."  
  
"I continued being the Potions Master and Head of Slytherin...Potter came, and every year came into contact with the Dark Lord, defeating him each time... your fourth year came and you know what happened, and you know then I didn't go back but went to the Order, and remain there now..."  
  
I'm aware there are tears sliding down my face, but I do nothing to stop them.  
  
"I'm sorry, Severus." I throw myself to him in an embrace, binding his arms to his sides. I know I'm being stupid, but I can't help it  
  
"It's not--"  
  
"Shh..." I press one of my hands to his mouth, freeing up one of his arms so he hugs me in return.  
  
My hand on his face is damp from a tear that slipped down his face. That makes me cry harder. 


	18. My Story

Did you guys like that one? I was feeling angsty therefore my fic had angst- ness... is that a word? Whatever ;) hahaha... I love reviewers and I still don't own Harry Potter or any of the rights to it, so don't sue me for writing... I just happen to use characters used named Severus Snape and Hermione Granger... are the names copyrighted? What happens if there is someone named Hermione Granger? Isn't there someone actually named that? Wonder if J.K. reads fanfics....  
  
I wake again, my eyes sore from crying in Severus's arms for hours... I see he is awake and probably never fell asleep. His arms are still tight across me shoulders while I continue sitting on his lap.  
  
"Are you okay?" He whispers, his voice is raspy from crying, so he talks in a deep voice  
  
"I'm all right, I'm all right. It only hurts when I breathe."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Crying too much..."  
  
He sighs; I can feel his chest push against my back, then release.  
  
"So... what-what happened?" I ask cautiously  
  
"To what?"  
  
"Your b-brother..."  
  
"Oh...he was killed. V-the Dark Lord felt betrayed by Dominic when he couldn't muster up enough mental strength to place an imperius curse on me, he knew I could throw it off and might kill him in revenge." He states like it's a fact he memorized for History of Magic.  
  
"Oh... I understand... So all of this, was, well... everything? Your whole story, nothing left out? I just need to know everything about you..."  
  
"Yes, everything... what about you?"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"What's your story, the parts I don't know?"  
  
"Well, it's not very interesting or dramatic."  
  
"Do you think I care if it's dramatic? I don't need more drama, you know that," A small smile flashes across his face for a second... I could feel his face move like that against the back of my head.  
  
"Well... both of my parents are muggle dentists an---"  
  
"What is a 'dentist'?" He says the word like it's a foreign language  
  
"It's well...a muggle healer for teeth. I'm an only child who lived a normal muggle life full of school, a few friends, and only few problems. Until Hogwarts, that is. I dread Holidays because it means having to go back to my extended family... they all sincerely believe I'm insane because I don't care."  
  
I shift my seat and continue  
  
"My mother's sister is extremely Catholic and tries to convert me every time I see her. You see, I'm not religious at all, and she thinks I am the Devil's advocate because I said something about Hogwarts once, causing her to ask what that was... so I said it's a magic school and I'm a witch. Well, you can imagine that didn't go over too well... I thought she would force me kneel and pray right on the spot."  
  
He laughs gently  
  
"My dad's sister, aunt Mary Ann, is a muggle healer and so is her husband, Richard. They're okay; but it's just their son, David, who is a pain in the arse. He's unbelievably immature and a lazy bum. He's nearly twenty and still living with his parents because they're timid and won't do anything about him. My Uncle Joseph is a Paleontologist and his wife, Marie, is his lab assistant."  
  
Sensing his confusion as I turn to face him  
  
"A Paleontologist is a person who studies dinosaurs from examining their fossils. A fossil is a bone that has been stuck in dirt for millions of years and is now like rock, but retains the same shape and stuff of the original bone."  
  
"But, why in the world would anyone care?" He's bewildered by the information  
  
I just laugh because it's true, why are people so interested in things that don't matter like that! It's not like that kind of information will really affect the world....  
  
"They have a son my age, Scott. He's a bit weird, a muggle 'tree- hugger'. He protests to save the rain forests and the environment, it's really cool, and he's really nice. He just seems very distant from me, not sure why, but he just always seems deep in thought or something. My other cousin Melinda, she hates me. She has purple hair and always wears too much black eyeliner. She's 'gothic' or whatever and is trying to make a statement but being a 'non-conformist'. Every time I see her, she sneers and I say 'You non-conformists are all alike.' That really peeves her."  
"Your family sounds very... 'Unique'... I think you could sneer back at your cousin now and frighten her. After all, you have learned well."  
  
"I love you, Sev." I say as I laugh at his mock confidence  
  
"Hmmm..." He says as he goes into thought.  
  
I get up off him and sit facing him.  
  
"What?" He's staring at me peculiarly  
  
"What?"  
  
"You are looking at me strangely."  
  
"Am I?" I suppose I am... I'm trying to figure out what he's thinking  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"Well then, what are you thinking?"  
  
He rests his chin in his hand and stares off into space for a few moments... I watch his eyes blink... He really does have quite fathomless and beautiful eyes... dark and evocative  
  
"I think it's about time we had a... a talk."  
  
"About what?" I'm all ready feeling nervous, I bite my lip... I need chapstick I mentally note to myself...  
  
"Just, a chat."  
  
"We've been 'chatting' for hours." I point out  
  
"I know, but it was more like telling our story rather than talking"  
  
"Fair enough..."  
  
He rests his chin on his other hand, his elbow resting on his knee as he sits "Indian style"  
  
"What is this, a 'sex talk'? Why are you nervous and not talking?"  
  
"Hermione, I just wan to ask you a few random questions, that's all, honest." With the last word he crosses his heart like he was twelve.  
  
I laugh and grin  
  
"Okay, then what do you wish to ask of me, love?" I say slightly sarcastically, but lovingly  
  
He lays down and puts one arm behind his head like a pillow  
  
"Do you want children?"  
  
"With-with you or in general?"  
  
"It there a difference?"  
  
"Oh well, no. No, I don't want children... with anyone."  
  
"Really?" He seems to perk up like a dog does when it hears a whistle  
  
"Well, no. I've never been very maternal, I hate being a 'sitter', and I couldn't even begin to imagine being a parent for the rest of my life... Plus, I want to be working or doing something else, not taking care of someone... even if it is my own child... populations growing much too quickly anyway." I smile, "what about you?"  
  
"Well, same reasons I suppose, but also the money spent on someone is unbelievable. And, I was a child once, and I didn't exactly have the best childhood, and I wouldn't want to put someone through that."  
  
"But, no one would...would have to go through anything quite like-like that, you know. He's gone."  
  
He smiles and nods  
  
"I suppose you're right. I still don't want to have children.... But the process of making one...that's something I could live with I suppose." He adds sardonically.  
  
"You dirty old man." I say as I poke him on the nose.  
  
He grabs my hand as I take it away from the poke and uses it to pull me into a kiss. 


End file.
